Eric and I enjoyed our second visit this weekend. We had a chance to spend some more time with the residents where K lives, and that was nice. There are some really neat kids there. One in particular has taken to Eric, chanting his name and just telling some jokes and things like that.
We had a chance to go to McDonalds. Even though they did have a Play Place, it was outside. So that didn't work out so well. But there were a couple of games inside. We spent a little time doing that, and then we went bowling. I was impressed that K took some direction when he wasn't listening or was too excited to focus clearly. We had a lot of fun, and I definitely came off the visit feeling very good about things. The assistant director of nursing came with us to supervise the visit. It was neat to meet someone who has known him since he was VERY little and who is obviously very protective of him. I think it helped her to get to spend some time with us and see where we're coming from and what we're bringing to the relationship. We also were able to assure her that we plan to continue contact between K and the home by bringing him back to visit, etc.
So now we're to the point where they are going to explain to K that we are planning to adopt him. We decided that we needed to tell him before we bring our son down to meet him on Saturday. The nurse is apparently going to do this on Wednesday, and that she will call me to tell me how it goes. I can only imagine how huge that will be for him to hear. I hope that he is open to the idea, and that he is able to process a little bit before we meet again on Saturday. They asked today if our decision to adopt him would be based on how Saturday goes.
Here's what always gets me. I know where these types of questions come from. There are a lot of people that think, "It would be so nice to adopt" but they don't realize the realities that go with it. So often people back out of these decisions after the kids have already been told what is going on. This just leaves the kids scarred and not as open to accepting or fully understanding the next time the possibility comes around. K has had a couple near adoptions so far, so I can understand if this "announcement" makes him a little more anxious around us. To this point, he just knows us as two folks who come to visit and spend some time with him.
So, would we change our minds if the boys don't get along? Absolutely not! It's like asking a parent if they're going to give their newborn back if their older child doesn't get along with him/her when they come home from the hospital. We EXPECT this to be rough - for both boys. One is going to learn what it is like to have a brother living and sharing a set of parents that he's had almost exclusively to himself for the past 2.5 years. The other is going to work on figuring out just what it means to leave the only home he has ever known to live with almost complete strangers and go from having five other kids in the house to just one. And we are going to need to try to rise above it all to keep things going as smoothly as possible, identifying problems along the way and working to find whatever is needed to help everyone navigate this maze.
Today we learned that we will need to have CPR and First Aid Training. This is a requirement for all parents removing a child from this home, and something we'll have to complete before we can have an overnight visit at our home. Fortunately, we were able to find two classes within the next seven days! We'll be able to fulfill our First Aid qualifications by Saturday, which means that we will be able to go on our first unsupervised visit with both boys in the community. This is a huge step in gaining our identity as a family. It's a little scary, of course. But we feel ready. We've done this before. Typically, we don't get any chances to meet the children that come to live in our home until the day that they move in. So we feel really fortunate to be getting these chances to get to know our new son before he comes home. This is such a difficult transition for the kids, and I really feel like it's helpful for him, too.
Anyway, four more days. We're all really busy with details at work, home, and with the upcoming adoption and transition--but we know that we'll be able to get through this, and that it's all worth it. I just keep bringing myself back to what we could have done in an international adoption, and this seems like a very small price to pay. I'm trying to use my time wisely to get my stuff together at home. There is a lot of organizing that continues to need to be done (it seems like even if I make progress, it doesn't take long before I need to do another big stretch of it. Such is life. Better get to it!
Monday, January 12, 2009
Friday, January 2, 2009
A Near Miss
So, we headed down to our first visit today. It was scheduled for noon at a McDonalds close to "the home". We arrived at 11:30, and at 12:15 we started to wonder. We had been out of town for the past couple of days, but the caseworker had said she would update us of any changes via email. I had not received any emails...but we called home to check our messages. There were nine. Almost all from her. The first one, placed Tuesday about an hour after we had left, was canceling our visit :( It turns out that the kids got sick, and weren't going to be able to leave to come to McDonalds. The next one - Tuesday night - said that there was a possibility of rescheduling at the home. There were a couple more going back and forth and the last was received today at 10:15 saying that since they had not heard back from us they were going to cancel the visit all together. NOOOO!!! Cameron was staying with Grandpa for the day, and we had made quite a few arrangements to get down here for this visit, so I was scrambling to see if there was any way we could make this work.
I called the caseworker's personal cell phone. Left a message. Called the work number. Left a message. Called the personal cell phone AGAIN - and reached her. I explained that we had JUST received her messages, as we've been out of town. I told her that we HAD traveled into town that day for the visit, and she was surprised. She worked her magic, and at 1:30, we were able to go into the home for our visit.
We spent two hours there today! We got a chance to learn a lot about K, and got to meet him. We introduced ourselves as people that had come to visit and play. We were able to play some ball, do a puzzle, play with play doh, etc. He got some presents today from the news that had done his video segment, and we got to see him open those up. He was so cute - "Just what I wanted." or "I saw this on TV!" He was polite about the whole thing, and we helped him open his toys. He took them into his room (which he shares with two others) and he was able to put his stuff near his space. It was really quite precious. He didn't have a whole lot of toys in there already, as most of the toys were in the playroom. So I guess that most toys are community property, and that these were special. I had a chance to anticipate when he opens the presents with Cameron that we bought for Christmas. That was fun.
Things went really well. We learned a little about his medical needs, his past history, etc. We were impressed by his ability to hold a conversation, the way he worked his puzzle, and his attention. My heart melted for him. At one point, he accidentally hit one of the workers with a ball. He apologized over and over. It was so good to see he has some basic manners!
He asked if next time we came if we could bring another certain type of puzzle. We'll see what we have at home. At the end of the visit, he was very quick to give hugs and when I asked him if it would be okay if we came back to play with him again sometime, he said "yes."
I think it's good to do things this way. For us to meet him a couple of times and then let him know that it is our intention to adopt him. That seems much more natural than to introduce ourselves as his new parents, and then have him work through that big chunk of information.
So Monday we'll set up our next visit. We have been talking about coming down every weekend for several weekends. We will likely go at least one more time without Cameron - and we'll likely go into the community, at that point. Then we might come down once during the week, so we can meet his teachers and get some information on him from an educational perspective, so we're more prepared to arrange for his educational needs. After he meets Cameron, he'll soon be on his way to a visit at our house. And then we'll do an over-night and then come to live with us. In our state, he'll need to live with us for six months before an adoption can be processed and finalized.
On the way back to Eric's parents' house, I just kept shaking my head. How unreal is it to walk through the doors of a home and meet a 6-year old child (who, by the way, claims to be 7 until he hears the worker say all the other people must be lying to her because she heard that he was 6) and think that that child will eventually become a part of their family? Many of you may not understand why I would feel extremely lucky to have this little guy join our family. And I can't help but think - actually, I have no doubts - that God knew what he was doing all along. The timing on this has been perfect. With all of the time delays, etc. this has given a chance for some of these details to be worked out in a way that this little one's heart and life circumstances are ready for this transition. He clearly is ready to move on from this home that has cared so well for him for the past six years.
I am so grateful for this particular organization that provides the type of facilities and care that have given this little guy everything he has needed, and is now working to prepare him for a more "normal" family-life. I am totally undeserving of such a "ready" child. Don't get me wrong - I know we have our work cut out for us. But I am so ready to embrace this work that God has set before us. Game on!
I called the caseworker's personal cell phone. Left a message. Called the work number. Left a message. Called the personal cell phone AGAIN - and reached her. I explained that we had JUST received her messages, as we've been out of town. I told her that we HAD traveled into town that day for the visit, and she was surprised. She worked her magic, and at 1:30, we were able to go into the home for our visit.
We spent two hours there today! We got a chance to learn a lot about K, and got to meet him. We introduced ourselves as people that had come to visit and play. We were able to play some ball, do a puzzle, play with play doh, etc. He got some presents today from the news that had done his video segment, and we got to see him open those up. He was so cute - "Just what I wanted." or "I saw this on TV!" He was polite about the whole thing, and we helped him open his toys. He took them into his room (which he shares with two others) and he was able to put his stuff near his space. It was really quite precious. He didn't have a whole lot of toys in there already, as most of the toys were in the playroom. So I guess that most toys are community property, and that these were special. I had a chance to anticipate when he opens the presents with Cameron that we bought for Christmas. That was fun.
Things went really well. We learned a little about his medical needs, his past history, etc. We were impressed by his ability to hold a conversation, the way he worked his puzzle, and his attention. My heart melted for him. At one point, he accidentally hit one of the workers with a ball. He apologized over and over. It was so good to see he has some basic manners!
He asked if next time we came if we could bring another certain type of puzzle. We'll see what we have at home. At the end of the visit, he was very quick to give hugs and when I asked him if it would be okay if we came back to play with him again sometime, he said "yes."
I think it's good to do things this way. For us to meet him a couple of times and then let him know that it is our intention to adopt him. That seems much more natural than to introduce ourselves as his new parents, and then have him work through that big chunk of information.
So Monday we'll set up our next visit. We have been talking about coming down every weekend for several weekends. We will likely go at least one more time without Cameron - and we'll likely go into the community, at that point. Then we might come down once during the week, so we can meet his teachers and get some information on him from an educational perspective, so we're more prepared to arrange for his educational needs. After he meets Cameron, he'll soon be on his way to a visit at our house. And then we'll do an over-night and then come to live with us. In our state, he'll need to live with us for six months before an adoption can be processed and finalized.
On the way back to Eric's parents' house, I just kept shaking my head. How unreal is it to walk through the doors of a home and meet a 6-year old child (who, by the way, claims to be 7 until he hears the worker say all the other people must be lying to her because she heard that he was 6) and think that that child will eventually become a part of their family? Many of you may not understand why I would feel extremely lucky to have this little guy join our family. And I can't help but think - actually, I have no doubts - that God knew what he was doing all along. The timing on this has been perfect. With all of the time delays, etc. this has given a chance for some of these details to be worked out in a way that this little one's heart and life circumstances are ready for this transition. He clearly is ready to move on from this home that has cared so well for him for the past six years.
I am so grateful for this particular organization that provides the type of facilities and care that have given this little guy everything he has needed, and is now working to prepare him for a more "normal" family-life. I am totally undeserving of such a "ready" child. Don't get me wrong - I know we have our work cut out for us. But I am so ready to embrace this work that God has set before us. Game on!
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Green Light!
Can I just say that I really appreciate the diligence of the caseworkers that God has coordinating our family's future? We really seem to be matched with great people that understand not only the system, but also the children and the families that they work with. The caseworker called us Monday and told us that our profile was being reviewed by the child advocate. If she gave the go-ahead, we'd be able to schedule a visit. I was hoping she was a quick reader, and...she is!
Within an hour, we had heard back that we go the green light to schedule a visit. Given that this is a holiday week (AGAIN), the choices were limited. It came down to Tuesday (today) or Friday. My husband has an end-of-the-year meeting today from 7 - 12, so that would put us there in the late afternoon, and one of the workers was not available then. So we're shooting for a Friday lunch meeting. This will just be a meeting between my husband, myself, the workers, and our son-in-waiting.
While I would have LOVED this to be the day we could meet face-to-face, I'm kind of glad that it has worked out to be Friday. This year has been bumpy, to say the least. Friday is 2009, so it's a great way to start a fresh new year. This also gives us a little more time to think about the kinds of things we'll do to "break the ice" a little. I will certainly bring the scrapbook that I have made for him (it has pictures of us and our home, etc.) And I'll definitely bring a few things for him to do in the very good chance that he will feel uncomfortable, or when the adults are talking (stuff like crayons and paper, coloring book, puzzle, etc.) This will be the first time Eric is meeting a kid at the outset. Usually, I meet them first and then "introduce" them to Eric. So he's a little nervous. But I have every confidence that he'll do a great job.
Anyway, we're praising God for this breakthrough, and praying that these visits will go as smoothly as possible. We'll pray that God will provide us with the right words and ideas to make the situation as comfortable as could be expected (it's always a little awkward), and we'll just continue to go from there. Stay tuned for updates over the weekend!
Within an hour, we had heard back that we go the green light to schedule a visit. Given that this is a holiday week (AGAIN), the choices were limited. It came down to Tuesday (today) or Friday. My husband has an end-of-the-year meeting today from 7 - 12, so that would put us there in the late afternoon, and one of the workers was not available then. So we're shooting for a Friday lunch meeting. This will just be a meeting between my husband, myself, the workers, and our son-in-waiting.
While I would have LOVED this to be the day we could meet face-to-face, I'm kind of glad that it has worked out to be Friday. This year has been bumpy, to say the least. Friday is 2009, so it's a great way to start a fresh new year. This also gives us a little more time to think about the kinds of things we'll do to "break the ice" a little. I will certainly bring the scrapbook that I have made for him (it has pictures of us and our home, etc.) And I'll definitely bring a few things for him to do in the very good chance that he will feel uncomfortable, or when the adults are talking (stuff like crayons and paper, coloring book, puzzle, etc.) This will be the first time Eric is meeting a kid at the outset. Usually, I meet them first and then "introduce" them to Eric. So he's a little nervous. But I have every confidence that he'll do a great job.
Anyway, we're praising God for this breakthrough, and praying that these visits will go as smoothly as possible. We'll pray that God will provide us with the right words and ideas to make the situation as comfortable as could be expected (it's always a little awkward), and we'll just continue to go from there. Stay tuned for updates over the weekend!
Friday, December 26, 2008
Standstill
Well, the caseworker came out on Tuesday. The home inspection itself went well. Our water is running. Our electricity works. Our phones are functional. We don't have exposed electrical wiring. Etc. However, we've run into a little snag.
It seems that someone who knows the new little guy has decided that THEY would like to adopt him. I guess they know that he already has an adoption in process. If so, they don't seem to be concerned about that. Until the caseworkers are sure we can proceed legally, we are not allowed to visit/meet him.
SO...we could have met him for Christmas and got this party started. But now we have to wait. Needless to say, my heart is aching. I would understand if this person came forward in September - prior to our knowing about being selected and matched with this guy. But now? Two months into it? I don't think so. Although we may not have met him yet, he has been growing in our hearts for the past several months as we have learned more about him through things we have read and things we have seen. We have prepared for his arrival. He has a toothbrush here, Christmas presents are waitng, and his name is on the wall in his bedroom, along with Cameron's. Cameron has been asking more and more about his brother by name, and is anxious to meet him. I told him that he would get to after Christmas. Now I'm not sure how long we'll have to wait.
I still have one week off of school, and I'm optimistic that we may be able to take advantage of that time to go down and meet him. I will continue to pray and wait and love him. I will fight for him, if we need to. I just know that he needs to be out of his current placement as soon as possible, and we are the best chance he has at that happening - as all of our paperwork is done and we're all cleared to go. SIGH.
Now that it's the weekend, I know that we have a couple more days of no more progress. But I also know that the workers are doing their best to be diligent in finding the correct way to handle this situation. I know that they are rooting for us, and I am so appreciative that they've continued to work on this, despite the holidays. Our caseworker will be back to work on Monday, and maybe we'll hear more by then. Hopefully, we'll have more good news to report soon.
I guess this is just our part of labor being painful. I can definitely withstand it, if it means that we'll bring our son home when all is said and done. I was very sad that he could have had a family for Christmas, and now had to go one more Christmas without. But he doesn't know what's going on and that there has been a family identified. So I think that's better. He doesn't have to wonder why we're not there and whether or not we care. I'm crazy about him already, so that's not a question. And I would be there if I could - as much as I could. Soon. Hopefully, it will be soon.
It seems that someone who knows the new little guy has decided that THEY would like to adopt him. I guess they know that he already has an adoption in process. If so, they don't seem to be concerned about that. Until the caseworkers are sure we can proceed legally, we are not allowed to visit/meet him.
SO...we could have met him for Christmas and got this party started. But now we have to wait. Needless to say, my heart is aching. I would understand if this person came forward in September - prior to our knowing about being selected and matched with this guy. But now? Two months into it? I don't think so. Although we may not have met him yet, he has been growing in our hearts for the past several months as we have learned more about him through things we have read and things we have seen. We have prepared for his arrival. He has a toothbrush here, Christmas presents are waitng, and his name is on the wall in his bedroom, along with Cameron's. Cameron has been asking more and more about his brother by name, and is anxious to meet him. I told him that he would get to after Christmas. Now I'm not sure how long we'll have to wait.
I still have one week off of school, and I'm optimistic that we may be able to take advantage of that time to go down and meet him. I will continue to pray and wait and love him. I will fight for him, if we need to. I just know that he needs to be out of his current placement as soon as possible, and we are the best chance he has at that happening - as all of our paperwork is done and we're all cleared to go. SIGH.
Now that it's the weekend, I know that we have a couple more days of no more progress. But I also know that the workers are doing their best to be diligent in finding the correct way to handle this situation. I know that they are rooting for us, and I am so appreciative that they've continued to work on this, despite the holidays. Our caseworker will be back to work on Monday, and maybe we'll hear more by then. Hopefully, we'll have more good news to report soon.
I guess this is just our part of labor being painful. I can definitely withstand it, if it means that we'll bring our son home when all is said and done. I was very sad that he could have had a family for Christmas, and now had to go one more Christmas without. But he doesn't know what's going on and that there has been a family identified. So I think that's better. He doesn't have to wonder why we're not there and whether or not we care. I'm crazy about him already, so that's not a question. And I would be there if I could - as much as I could. Soon. Hopefully, it will be soon.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
PROGRESS!
The caseworker is back from leave! She got back on Wednesday. I talked to her several times yesterday. She's supposed to come up to do a home study this afternoon, though I'm not sure she still will, because of the ice and the snow. After that, we should be able to go to meet our new son very soon. We're then going to have weekly visits there until he's comfortable enough to come to visits here. So it shouldn't be too terribly long until he's home for real. YIPPEE!
Both Cameron and I have a snow day today. I was kind of counting on it. I have a little more cleaning to do, in case the caseworker does come. I want to finish re-painting the name blocks (I had painted Cameron's blue and the others tan, but want them all to be blue now). We hung them last night in their bedroom. I also moved my dresser in there, so they will each have one. I will get some drawers for the walk-in closet, and will do without an official dresser. No big deal there.
I made a coffee cake and am trying to put off giving Cameron his medicine until later in the morning. He's watching cartoons right now - a rare treat. After breakfast, I'll take my shower and then we will likely do some "work" together. Cameron does pretty well when I work with him one-on-one with workbooks and stuff. I can go into "teacher mode" and my patience with him also increases. I'll give myself some video game breaks (as in - let Cameron play video games) throughout the day. I think we'll be fine.
Anyway, just wanted to let you all know that things are moving forward. Our new addition is officially off the adoption photolisting, as he is now "spoken for." Reviewing his paperwork has certainly sobered us to the task that lies ahead. It will likely take a great deal of adjustment, testing, etc. before he feels like part of our family and we can get into a better routine. But it does look like he will benefit from a family that advocates on his behalf and refuses to take "no" for an answer--whether from him or from others ;)
Merry Early Christmas!
Both Cameron and I have a snow day today. I was kind of counting on it. I have a little more cleaning to do, in case the caseworker does come. I want to finish re-painting the name blocks (I had painted Cameron's blue and the others tan, but want them all to be blue now). We hung them last night in their bedroom. I also moved my dresser in there, so they will each have one. I will get some drawers for the walk-in closet, and will do without an official dresser. No big deal there.
I made a coffee cake and am trying to put off giving Cameron his medicine until later in the morning. He's watching cartoons right now - a rare treat. After breakfast, I'll take my shower and then we will likely do some "work" together. Cameron does pretty well when I work with him one-on-one with workbooks and stuff. I can go into "teacher mode" and my patience with him also increases. I'll give myself some video game breaks (as in - let Cameron play video games) throughout the day. I think we'll be fine.
Anyway, just wanted to let you all know that things are moving forward. Our new addition is officially off the adoption photolisting, as he is now "spoken for." Reviewing his paperwork has certainly sobered us to the task that lies ahead. It will likely take a great deal of adjustment, testing, etc. before he feels like part of our family and we can get into a better routine. But it does look like he will benefit from a family that advocates on his behalf and refuses to take "no" for an answer--whether from him or from others ;)
Merry Early Christmas!
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
TWO MONTHS IN
...and still no visit. Unfortunately for us, the caseworker for our new little one is on a leave of absence. So things have been crawling since we've completed all of our paperwork. She was supposed to be back yesterday, but I don't think that happened. So my caseworker (who is awesome) said she'd do a little more legwork to see if she can at least get us a visit before the holidays. Given that I am a teacher, my time right now is not extremely crucial. Trying to get anything of vast significance done in the week before the break is a big order. We're doing okay, but if I had to bail to go for a visit, I wouldn't feel terribly about it. Then, of course, I have two weeks off of prime time that I could be using to help with whatever needs to be done. So I'm hoping that we can convince SOMEONE that a visit would make a lot of sense.
I feel like crying, but I'll save that for later. I think I've been doing pretty well for the past two months, but now we're just sitting and waiting, and I'm back to feeling helpless again. All I can do is advocate for "my son" and try to get him a family for Christmas. If God can send His son all the way to earth for Christmas, He is certainly capable of sending mine home. But whether or not that is His will is a different story all together. So I wait, and I trust, and I hope. Tuesdays are difficult in some ways, because I get off work earlier and have the whole afternoon by myself. I have plans to go to the Y, do laundry, Christmas cards, wrap gifts, etc. But I will likely also take a nap and try to waste away some of that almost-eternal-seeming emptiness.
Hopefully I'll have a more uplifting post soon.
I feel like crying, but I'll save that for later. I think I've been doing pretty well for the past two months, but now we're just sitting and waiting, and I'm back to feeling helpless again. All I can do is advocate for "my son" and try to get him a family for Christmas. If God can send His son all the way to earth for Christmas, He is certainly capable of sending mine home. But whether or not that is His will is a different story all together. So I wait, and I trust, and I hope. Tuesdays are difficult in some ways, because I get off work earlier and have the whole afternoon by myself. I have plans to go to the Y, do laundry, Christmas cards, wrap gifts, etc. But I will likely also take a nap and try to waste away some of that almost-eternal-seeming emptiness.
Hopefully I'll have a more uplifting post soon.
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