The Zoo

We went to the zoo on Monday. We saw lots of big cats up close. We also got our first family picture taken. It's definitely not the best picture any of us have taken, but...it's still ours.

Going to go add a picture to Sunday's post. If you haven't seen it already, scroll down and enjoy :)

TUESDAY'S PLAN

Tuesday, I went to Kani's school and met with his teachers. That was a very interesting experience. It definitely took me back to my days of student teaching in Pittsburgh city. I also met the lady who had come forward to adopt after we had been matched. That was...awkward. What do you say? Nee-ner-nee-ner-nee-ner? I'm sorry? It was just strange.

After the school, I went to meet with seven of Kani's caseworkers to discuss the remainder of the transition and how that would be scheduled. Since we now are CPR certified, we are able to go on an unsupervised visit. We'll do that this Saturday. After that (typically), the Dept likes to schedule two day-time visits at the adoptive parents' home, then two overnight visits, then two weekend visits (two overnights back to back). Given the distance between where we live and where Kani lives, we were able to agree to drop the two day-time visits. So as it stands - we'll have our first overnight visit next weekend. Since we anticipate the evening hours to be the most stressful (the only time Kani has been away from his home overnight has been when he has been in the hospital). So rather than have him come up Friday after school (and arrive at a totally strange home after dark), I requested that they bring him Saturday morning, so he can arrive around lunchtime. Then he'll have the whole day to adjust to the house before we have to try the bedtime routine. He'll then go home Sunday. If this first overnight visit goes really well (or he has a really bad reaction when he goes home), we may forgo the second overnight and head straight to the weekend visits. Again, with the long trips in the car, this can be a very tiring process for a little guy. Indeed, we've been traveling back and forth every weekend this month and it is not fun even for adults (yet, totally worth it).

So, the soonest he could move in would be Saturday, February 14th. I don't necessarily anticipate this move-in date. However, it looks like the latest he would move in would be Saturday, February 28th. So we're on the home stretch anyway. We've got about a month before move-in. We have plenty of things to do in anticipation of the transfer to arrange for services, transfer medical files, etc. But we're getting to the end - which is really just the beginning of our life together as a family. Our state law says that he will need to be with us for six months before we can finalize the adoption. So, we may be able to schedule that towards the end of the summer.

We're just glad that this should be our last overnight visit "down there." Of course, we do still plan to visit after placement, so that Kani can see his friends/housemates/nurses/etc. But it will be different then, I think. I will enjoy continuing to see the other kids there. They are really too precious for words. It's hard to be unhappy around them!

TWO BROTHERS MEET

Yesterday, Cameron and Kani were able to meet at last. It really went quite well. Kani seemed quick to understand Cameron, and was not afraid to lead him around. It was funny to see, as Cameron is used to being "head honcho." But Cameron was pretty willing to go along with whatever was suggested.

We gave Kani the little photo album that I had made for him. It has pictures of each of us, and also some of the house. We got a chance to talk about some of the questions he had (about what he's allowed to bring with him, what his room is going to be like, etc.)

We went to Burger King and the Dollar Tree. The boys were both a little hesitant about the indoor play yard at Burger King. But they came around. Kani, at one point, told us he wasn't having fun that day. I told him it was too bad-that sometimes we had to go out to lunch, play on a playground, and just buck it up.

When we went to the Dollar Tree, Kani wanted to check out other things on different aisles. He said, "Come down here - I just want to see what's down here." A woman was walking by us at the moment, and apparently got a kick out of the way Kani was pleading his case. She smiled toward me with a knowing mom-to-mom look and said, "Yeah Mom, he just wants to see what's down there." Wow! She didn't even skip a beat in assuming I was his Mom. It just truly floored me, and warmed my heart.

We spent some more time at Kani's place in the afternoon. I started to read a book aloud, and both boys eventually joined me. Kani snuggled up to me, which of course made me very happy. Later, he came and sat on my lap (while sucking his thumb) and we had a chance to talk about some of the other things that he had expressed some anxiety about. I told him that we'd try to get some pictures of his friends to put up by his new bed, so that he could see them when he was missing them. He rubbed my arms, and it was definitely a moment. It was especially hard to leave Kani behind today, as we headed to Eric's sister's house. We'll be back for another visit tomorrow (I think we're going to the zoo with the nurse, who has a pass). I'll get to see Kani on Tuesday at school. I also have a meeting with the social workers on Tuesday to talk through the details of the transition home. Then it's a 3.5 hour drive home to pick up the dog and head straight to our infant/child CPR class (a requirement before Kani can stay overnight at our house). I'm hoping that we might just have one more visit here and then Kani can start his visits at our place.

This adoption is healing my heart in so many ways. These multiple opportunities to meet Kani and get to know him and try out our parental ways on him while there are others with us to let us know if he's working the charm or otherwise really helps us feel "ready" to accept this challenge. It's certainly going to take us awhile to get back into a routine, but we're much further ahead with Kani than we were with Cameron. So we're ready to go. This process has been particularly helpful for Eric, who likes to have a little more time to prepare himself for what we're getting into. This is the first time that I've seen Eric become so attached to a kid so soon. I think it helps that we don't have to "reserve" ourselves from feeling too much, as we don't have to worry about the foster-care thing when he might not be able to stay. We can just love on him right away, and know that he's already a part of our family. Because he's never really had a family, he's allowed to love us back without fear of hurting biological parents or foster parents, or otherwise. We'll still be able to maintain the relationships he's created with his care providers -- most of whom have known him for most of his life! All together, I'm amazed at this not-so-traditional adoption. We know how fortunate we are to be experiencing things in this way! Bring it on!

Second Visit

Eric and I enjoyed our second visit this weekend. We had a chance to spend some more time with the residents where K lives, and that was nice. There are some really neat kids there. One in particular has taken to Eric, chanting his name and just telling some jokes and things like that.

We had a chance to go to McDonalds. Even though they did have a Play Place, it was outside. So that didn't work out so well. But there were a couple of games inside. We spent a little time doing that, and then we went bowling. I was impressed that K took some direction when he wasn't listening or was too excited to focus clearly. We had a lot of fun, and I definitely came off the visit feeling very good about things. The assistant director of nursing came with us to supervise the visit. It was neat to meet someone who has known him since he was VERY little and who is obviously very protective of him. I think it helped her to get to spend some time with us and see where we're coming from and what we're bringing to the relationship. We also were able to assure her that we plan to continue contact between K and the home by bringing him back to visit, etc.

So now we're to the point where they are going to explain to K that we are planning to adopt him. We decided that we needed to tell him before we bring our son down to meet him on Saturday. The nurse is apparently going to do this on Wednesday, and that she will call me to tell me how it goes. I can only imagine how huge that will be for him to hear. I hope that he is open to the idea, and that he is able to process a little bit before we meet again on Saturday. They asked today if our decision to adopt him would be based on how Saturday goes.

Here's what always gets me. I know where these types of questions come from. There are a lot of people that think, "It would be so nice to adopt" but they don't realize the realities that go with it. So often people back out of these decisions after the kids have already been told what is going on. This just leaves the kids scarred and not as open to accepting or fully understanding the next time the possibility comes around. K has had a couple near adoptions so far, so I can understand if this "announcement" makes him a little more anxious around us. To this point, he just knows us as two folks who come to visit and spend some time with him.

So, would we change our minds if the boys don't get along? Absolutely not! It's like asking a parent if they're going to give their newborn back if their older child doesn't get along with him/her when they come home from the hospital. We EXPECT this to be rough - for both boys. One is going to learn what it is like to have a brother living and sharing a set of parents that he's had almost exclusively to himself for the past 2.5 years. The other is going to work on figuring out just what it means to leave the only home he has ever known to live with almost complete strangers and go from having five other kids in the house to just one. And we are going to need to try to rise above it all to keep things going as smoothly as possible, identifying problems along the way and working to find whatever is needed to help everyone navigate this maze.

Today we learned that we will need to have CPR and First Aid Training. This is a requirement for all parents removing a child from this home, and something we'll have to complete before we can have an overnight visit at our home. Fortunately, we were able to find two classes within the next seven days! We'll be able to fulfill our First Aid qualifications by Saturday, which means that we will be able to go on our first unsupervised visit with both boys in the community. This is a huge step in gaining our identity as a family. It's a little scary, of course. But we feel ready. We've done this before. Typically, we don't get any chances to meet the children that come to live in our home until the day that they move in. So we feel really fortunate to be getting these chances to get to know our new son before he comes home. This is such a difficult transition for the kids, and I really feel like it's helpful for him, too.

Anyway, four more days. We're all really busy with details at work, home, and with the upcoming adoption and transition--but we know that we'll be able to get through this, and that it's all worth it. I just keep bringing myself back to what we could have done in an international adoption, and this seems like a very small price to pay. I'm trying to use my time wisely to get my stuff together at home. There is a lot of organizing that continues to need to be done (it seems like even if I make progress, it doesn't take long before I need to do another big stretch of it. Such is life. Better get to it!

A Near Miss

So, we headed down to our first visit today. It was scheduled for noon at a McDonalds close to "the home". We arrived at 11:30, and at 12:15 we started to wonder. We had been out of town for the past couple of days, but the caseworker had said she would update us of any changes via email. I had not received any emails...but we called home to check our messages. There were nine. Almost all from her. The first one, placed Tuesday about an hour after we had left, was canceling our visit :( It turns out that the kids got sick, and weren't going to be able to leave to come to McDonalds. The next one - Tuesday night - said that there was a possibility of rescheduling at the home. There were a couple more going back and forth and the last was received today at 10:15 saying that since they had not heard back from us they were going to cancel the visit all together. NOOOO!!! Cameron was staying with Grandpa for the day, and we had made quite a few arrangements to get down here for this visit, so I was scrambling to see if there was any way we could make this work.

I called the caseworker's personal cell phone. Left a message. Called the work number. Left a message. Called the personal cell phone AGAIN - and reached her. I explained that we had JUST received her messages, as we've been out of town. I told her that we HAD traveled into town that day for the visit, and she was surprised. She worked her magic, and at 1:30, we were able to go into the home for our visit.

We spent two hours there today! We got a chance to learn a lot about K, and got to meet him. We introduced ourselves as people that had come to visit and play. We were able to play some ball, do a puzzle, play with play doh, etc. He got some presents today from the news that had done his video segment, and we got to see him open those up. He was so cute - "Just what I wanted." or "I saw this on TV!" He was polite about the whole thing, and we helped him open his toys. He took them into his room (which he shares with two others) and he was able to put his stuff near his space. It was really quite precious. He didn't have a whole lot of toys in there already, as most of the toys were in the playroom. So I guess that most toys are community property, and that these were special. I had a chance to anticipate when he opens the presents with Cameron that we bought for Christmas. That was fun.

Things went really well. We learned a little about his medical needs, his past history, etc. We were impressed by his ability to hold a conversation, the way he worked his puzzle, and his attention. My heart melted for him. At one point, he accidentally hit one of the workers with a ball. He apologized over and over. It was so good to see he has some basic manners!

He asked if next time we came if we could bring another certain type of puzzle. We'll see what we have at home. At the end of the visit, he was very quick to give hugs and when I asked him if it would be okay if we came back to play with him again sometime, he said "yes."

I think it's good to do things this way. For us to meet him a couple of times and then let him know that it is our intention to adopt him. That seems much more natural than to introduce ourselves as his new parents, and then have him work through that big chunk of information.

So Monday we'll set up our next visit. We have been talking about coming down every weekend for several weekends. We will likely go at least one more time without Cameron - and we'll likely go into the community, at that point. Then we might come down once during the week, so we can meet his teachers and get some information on him from an educational perspective, so we're more prepared to arrange for his educational needs. After he meets Cameron, he'll soon be on his way to a visit at our house. And then we'll do an over-night and then come to live with us. In our state, he'll need to live with us for six months before an adoption can be processed and finalized.

On the way back to Eric's parents' house, I just kept shaking my head. How unreal is it to walk through the doors of a home and meet a 6-year old child (who, by the way, claims to be 7 until he hears the worker say all the other people must be lying to her because she heard that he was 6) and think that that child will eventually become a part of their family? Many of you may not understand why I would feel extremely lucky to have this little guy join our family. And I can't help but think - actually, I have no doubts - that God knew what he was doing all along. The timing on this has been perfect. With all of the time delays, etc. this has given a chance for some of these details to be worked out in a way that this little one's heart and life circumstances are ready for this transition. He clearly is ready to move on from this home that has cared so well for him for the past six years.

I am so grateful for this particular organization that provides the type of facilities and care that have given this little guy everything he has needed, and is now working to prepare him for a more "normal" family-life. I am totally undeserving of such a "ready" child. Don't get me wrong - I know we have our work cut out for us. But I am so ready to embrace this work that God has set before us. Game on!