A Pie in the Oven

As you may know, I bake pies. And from time to time I take on a pie frenzy for a purpose. I've baked pies to raise money for orphans in M-y-a-n-m-a*r. And I've baked pies to help us have enough money to pay fees related to an adoption of a domestic infant.

Since we're gearing up to move forward with that whole process, and given that it's holiday season, I figured it was time to put the shout out to see if anyone was interested in donating to the Kline Kid Cause in exchange for a pie.

I just took the first pie out of the oven. And I have orders for nine more. When some people are expecting they say they have "a bun in the oven." As for us, when we're expecting, you'll find pies in our ovens!

Adoption #3

We've done an adoption through foster care. We've done an adoption through the state. My sister has covered the international adoption market. So we figure we'd try a domestic infant adoption (private). We're in the very beginning phases of signing up with an agency who will help get our situation out there for birthparents. We're working on re-starting the home study process. And we'll go from there. This is a completely new experience for us, though many of the steps are the same. And the outcome, if all goes as planned - will be a completely new experience for us.

So I guess I'll rev up this website for this one last journey. Thanks for following along on this craziness and for supporting our family through it all!

Complete

A year ago, I submitted an interest form on adoptuskids.org on a little boy who needed a family. Today we officially added him to ours. I'm not sure where our adoption journey will go from here. I'm not sure if this is the end of our adoption journey or if there might be a longer road ahead. For today, we are celebrating this leg of the journey.

Today, I decorated the dining room for cake. I had Kani stay upstairs while I did it. When I finally let him come down, he said, "Wow Mom, you're pretty impressed about this." I love that he used the word "impressed." I love that he told me that I was impressed!

This day was different than Cameron's adoption. We actually were in the courtroom. Judge Lunsford let Kani sit in his chair while he took our testimony down at the tables. Cameron sat in the jury booth. Here are some snippets from our day:

WEARY

It has been an exhausting week. And I don't mean just tiring. I mean "I'm at the end of my rope and don't think I can do this anymore" type of exhaustion.

It should have been a good week. I had good things planned. And we did those good things. We went to the library when it got really hot. We went out to Rita's with Daddy that same afternoon (Monday). The kitten came Tuesday, and all plans went in the crapper. We went to the last freebie movie of the summer with Arianna and Nicole on Wednesday. Our baseball game was rained out Wednesday night (thank God). We went to Lakemont Park on Thursday.

I think things started to break down Monday night. I don't remember how we got there, but once again Kani screamed and screamed at bedtime. We ended up moving Cameron to the big-boy bed in the nursery. But I have little tolerance for Kani's extreme reactions to his fears of being alone. So that wasn't pretty.

Tuesday was understandably chaotic. But Cameron really loves the kitten, and has calmed down considerably in her midst.

The week just got increasingly stressful and it came to a head at the park. Kani did not follow the rules in the water park area, and he had to have a time-out. Once he finally calmed down, we went back into the water - where he almost immediately broke the rules again (which were set up so that he'd stay close enough to me that I wouldn't be terrified of him getting water in his stoma - hole if he fell into the 1' water). So I told him he was done in the water. Just too much stress. He pitched a fit on the pool chair. Then again on the cement when I took him off the chair. Then again on the grass later. And I lost it.

Yesterday I was in a better place and Kani and I worked on some of his troublesome behaviors throughout the morning while Cameron was at Stepping Stones (social skills group for kids on the autism spectrum). And Kani continued to test and test. We went to the grocery store, and I ended up having to hold Kani's hand through the store. Of course, this just caused him to meltdown - he tried to hit me, kick me, bite me, etc. I was exhausted. And I lost it.

This morning, I found Cameron downstairs in the living room with a popcorn bag (from my snack last night). He decided to "feed" some to the kitten. And then he licked the bag. And I lost it.

Do we see a pattern?

So - I'm home now. Blissfully alone. Eric took the boys to Hanover to visit his family and celebrate his Mom's birthday. I'm sad I'm not there, but glad I'll see them on Thursday at the adoption. And I know that the boys and I need a break from one another.

I'm so thankful for my friend - who has parented a child who is not hers biologically - for affirming that the things I deal with on a day in and day out basis are not "normal kid things." They are intensified by the "ish" that my kids have brought with them from their families of origin. I do not have memories of their infantile innocence to fall back upon. I always have to "be on" with them. It's intense. Every minute I'm with them. I love them dearly. But it's not always fun to be their Mommy.

Kani's biggest thing right now is not knowing what to do with himself. He doesn't play with toys appropriately and is destructive. He took crayon to his (white) carpet this week. He took scissors to a shoe box which ended up in a gazillion pieces in the den. He tried to break two chairs. But not everyone gets to see this side of him. So I end up being the stressed out Mommy who "can't handle it."

Cameron is - just Cameron. He pees himself. He is unaware of his surroundings. He's in his own little world. He's dear. But he's disconnected. So I don't know him very well. And then when he does his things, it makes it that much more difficult to extend grace.

So, I'm looking forward to this weekend. Today is the Bellefonte Arts and Crafts Fair. My friend Cady and her Rob are coming over for a movie this afternoon. I may get some work done around the house. Or I may not. Tomorrow I have another call back for our church's Christmas musical and then there's a picnic. I may get work done for school. I may not. But I am definitely going to relish this weekend and the gift of it! Eric has given me permission to "get away" (with prior notice). He realizes the rejuvenating power of me getting a Motel 6 for a night and just being alone. I crave solitude. Sometimes my family has seen this as me 'running away' from problems. In reality, it's the space I need to process things. It's cathartic. I am so fortunate to have a husband who recognizes the importance of this and makes allowances for it without taking it personally. He said the other day that he can't parent these boys without me. But I could NOT do this without him.

Adoption Date

If you haven't already heard, Kani's adoption is set for Thursday, August 20th at 2:00 p.m. Cameron's was in the morning, so we went to the Waffle Shop and then to the local indoor play area. For Kani, we promised Chuck E. Cheese - which is about an hour away.

Looks like at the very least Kani's Philadelphia caseworker, Eric's parents, Eric's grandmother, and our family will be there. Should be a fun time!

Interesting

I was talking to a friend the other day about our plans to domestically adopt an African American infant. Our choice to do this involves many issues, one of which is the greater need for families to adopt these babies. Another is to racially balance our family a little. Another is due to the network of friends (and now family) that we have who have adopted transracially. However, during our conversation, we were discussing the adoptions of children from foreign countries - specifically African countries. My sister is currently adopting a little baby boy (less than one year old) from Africa. One of the lures of this particular country is the relative cost and speed of the adoption, and the age of available children, relative to other international adoptions. And this friend made a comment that really made me think. She asked if I thought that there were more people willing to adopt from Africa than there were willing to adopt African American children. And I think there are. Then I got to thinking about why that might be. It's all very interesting to me. I commented to my cousin just today about this. I know people will think I'm making a judgment call on those who choose to adopt internationally (specifically from Africa) rather than domestsically. That's not the case. I just think it's INTERESTING.

Everyone has different reasons to adopt. Usually the reasons we have going into adoption are partially altruistic, and partially selfish. We want to do something "nice" and "good." But we also want to get something out of it, too.

For my sister and her family, they feel that it is God's calling on their life to adopt a child from Africa. They met their son for the first time yesterday, and will be bringing him home to the US on Father's Day. They have three biological children of her own. It has been interesting to share in her adoption journey. It is not the same as mine. But then again, each adoption is unique.

As for me and my husband, we cannot have biological children. We were foster parents for 8 years. We had ten foster children - some part-time, some long term. We adopted our first son through foster care. Then we left foster care and are in the process of adopting our second son (age 6) from the statewide adoption network. Currently, our hope is for our next child to be a domestic infant adoption of an African American child. We have never had an infant. We'd like very much to have the opportunity to experience that stage of life and all the "not so grand" things that go with it (sleepless nights, bottles, diapers, etc.) We have lost our innocence about parenting along the way, I think. We know that babies don't last forever and all too soon you have the very real task of discipline and later hormones (this last point is one of the reasons why my vote is currently for another boy - not to mention the fact that we're much more "set up" with boy stuff). The thought of getting a child from the hospital - or shortly thereafter - excites us. We couldn't do this internationally. But we can do this locally.

So we're no "better" for deciding to form our family locally. We're no worse, either. It's just our choice that has worked for our family at the particular moment in time when each child came into our lives. There have been times when we have considered international adoption. Indeed, we were approved for a country on the same day we got the call that we were being considered for Kani. And we had to make a very real decision about the trade-offs of adopting in this manner. Ultimately, we took the risk of another rejection to go for the child who we had chosen - from a picture and from a short biography - that made us believe he was a child who was meant to be a part of our family.

I tease my husband and say that maybe we'll just do one of each: adoption through foster care, adoption from the statewide adoption network, domestic infant adoption, and international adoption. Really, I don't know what's going to happen. But I do know this. There are a lot of children in our WORLD - towns, states, country, AND in our world - that need a home. They don't need perfect families. They're not perfect children. But they do need someone to love them, to accept them, and to be willing to let them into their homes and their lives as a member of their family.

So, I guess the real question is, what are YOU willing to do for the children who need a home?

Dress Up

Even boys like to play dress-up. I crack up when I see these pictures, and applaud myself for picking up the day-after Halloween costumes solely for this purpose. What's particularly funny is how COOL they think they are when they're dressed up like this!!

Birthday

It's been over a month since Cameron turned seven. Guess I should post a picture.



His birthday was a stressful day. Indeed, April was a pretty stressful month. But things are slowly getting into a better rhythm and we're starting to enjoy some time together. We know to expect the ups and downs in adoption. But when you go through it again and again and again you kind of think...can we just be done with this already?

Anyway, like I said, Cameron is seven. SEVEN! I can hardly believe it. He's actually got his first loose tooth (nevermind that Kani has already lost at least six teeth, and is younger). He still does not have his six year molars (Kani got those sealed up at his March dental appointment). And we're still working on the night-time pull-ups (Kani has been dry for the past three nights - he's made a deal with Eric, supposedly). But, as Eric pointed out tonight, there ARE things that Cameron is "better" at than Kani. Like using a quiet voice. Or dribbling a basketball. Or following directions (for the most part). He's starting to read (which is still shocking the pants off of me) and can "count on." He hasn't lost his innocence - not sure he ever will. He prefers to listen to "Muffin Man" and other children's songs, though he's learning all about Hip-Hop. I was really starting to worry about our summer together, but found out that Cameron qualifies for a summer program that will give him some much needed structured time, and will give me a little reprieve here and there. So I'm cautiously optimistic that we WILL survive this summer ;)

Ticked Off

Saturday, we went "fishing." The boys all went with Ginger for a walk. Last night, we found two ticks on Cameron and one on Kani (none on me or Eric, or even the dog - thank goodness! I would have flipped out - I've never had one). Eric removed the intruders at bathtime, and I - ever documenting our family fun - took a picture. Then I bagged 'em up - just in case.



These are the two bigger ones that we got. There was also one small one that we're a bit concerned with that was on Cameron's thigh. We'll be keeping a close eye on all the spots, to be sure.

Huh?

Can someone take a moment to remind me again why adopting kids is such a great idea? I just read a blog of a new foster parent who is just coming off her first respite placement. And I envy her that it's just her and her husband again.

Having kids changes things. Everyone knows that. So many people glorify parenting as the be all/end all goal in life. But is it, really? Certainly many people have bought into this. When people find out they can't have children, crazy stuff happens. When people decide they just don't want kids, people think there's something wrong with them.

My mom had a friend who openly admitted that she didn't like kids. My mother made the mistake of telling us kids that - so we never cared much for Cindy, either. I didn't understand it. How can you not like kids? Everyone has been a kid at one point. I think I understand now.

I'm a teacher. But I don't love kids. I love helping someone learn something that they didn't know before. I LOVED teaching adults because if they didn't want to be there, they just didn't come to class. I hate trying to convince people that they should care about what you are trying to teach. And isn't that what parenting is all about?

Tomorrow Cameron turns 7. He's been with us for just about three years now. And he still annoys me to no end on most days. Ouch. Seriously. He has his cute moments, don't get me wrong. But still. I've now known Kani for three months. And I'm gloriously happy when he goes to sleep at night.

My life now revolves mainly around my boys and their needs. I am good at coordinating their schedules, helping them with homework, and planning fun things for them to do. But somewhere along the way, I've forgotten what it was like before they came along. What did I do when I didn't have two other human beings dependent upon me for so many details of their life? When I didn't have so much laundry constantly staring at me? When I didn't have to consider going back to color-coding my day timer to keep track of everyone's schedule?

And I remember that when Cameron first came, I was overwhelmed with his appointments (he had about six different caretakers who were in and out of the house at all times). And I remember that this, too, will pass. We'll get into a rhythm. We'll find our own niches. And maybe, just maybe I can find my way back to my husband again. I know he's around here somewhere.

End of March

Well, a lot has happened since the beginning of Spring Break, which is why it has taken me so long to update this blog! Mid-week Spring Break found me taking Kani out of school and taking both boys to my sister's house (nine hours away). Kani got to meet his cousins. Eric got to have the house to himself. And I didn't have to be alone with the boys at home (change of scenery is always nice).

This week has been crazy. I had five appointments this week! We have some services set up for school (well, at least we're one step closer). We're updated at the dentist. We've done our pre-op appointment for the microlaryngoscopy/bronchoscopy in April and we've begun our transition services. So it's all good. I think we "just" have three appointments next week ;)

In other news, we got a call from the caseworker. She said she received the copy of our "intent to adopt" paperwork which was filed by our lawyer. She also said that the lawyer mentioned getting a finalization date of May or June, possibly. I'll believe it when I see it - that's two or three months sooner then we were anticipating!

Things here are evening out. Kani is getting used to our routines. His physical aggression is decreasing and he is starting to behave better at school. He's big into crafts just now. I'm hoping to get him into some kind of arts and crafts activity over the summer. We'll see what's available locally. Both boys will participate in sports camp at church again this year. And they'll both go to the VBS at Cameron's Great Aunt's church. I've planned our vacation to go to Kentucky. We're going to visit my cousin and her family (they're adopting, too!) and do a bit of camping. Should be fun - and interesting to see how the boys handle "roughing it."

Right now, it's time to go down to the Y and pick Cameron up from his "Kids' Night Out." Kani couldn't go, due to a physically aggressive choice he made earlier this evening :( Have a great weekend.

One Small Step

It's Spring Break here - for me. Kani has school this week, and I put Cameron in a couple days of day care. What a smart choice THAT was. I had a doctor's appointment today, and the rest of the day was spent making phone calls. We got Kani's insurance changed over, which means that I'm now able to schedule the five appointments for him that are needed. I got four scheduled today - and one was even able to get us in today! That appointment lasted an hour and a half, but hopefully will get some supports in place to help Kani continue to be successful (specifically, in school).

I've been very grateful for our adoption support network, whose director is likely my best friend and is so helpful. When I called her last week crying "may-day! may-day! I'm losing my mind!" she helped me pull a plan together to get through this more difficult transitioning time of the adoption process. It's not that Kani's behaviors have gotten any worse, it's just that MY honeymoon has ended. I was feeling sick last week (I must have done something to a rib while coughing, because it now feels like it's poking into my lung, which is just now feeling better) and was irritable for many reasons, including that it was the week before Spring Break and I had lots of loose ends to tie up at work and at home, etc. She didn't bat an eyelash or start trying to figure out what was wrong or what was causing it. She just helped me make a plan, which was exactly what I needed at that moment. There aren't many people who know how to help. This is why the support of other adoptive parents is SO necessary for all of our success!

Two More

Sometimes I ask Kani to do something. To indicate that he understands he says, "I've got you, Mommy." But the other day he added a little something. It ended up like this:

"Okay, Mommy. I've got you. I've got your back!"
I nearly died.

Tonight as we were struggling through the difficult task of learning how to write the letter "e" in its various forms (didn't I just go through this with Cameron??? -- I did! Sigh.) Kani remarked, "I can't sit properly." No kidding! The kid had more moves than a squirrel in traffic.

Now it's time for Mommy to get away to her swimming class. My attendance is much improved this session. Can't imagine why :) It's good to get out. And it makes our bedtime roles so much clearer to know that Mondays and Wednesdays are Daddy's nights and Tuesdays and Thursdays are (for the most part) Mommy's nights--except for tomorrow night, when Eric is letting me go to our old Life Group get-together while he manages the kids - we had a last minute cancellation with our babysitter :( Soon, he'll be in volleyball on Tuesdays and Thursdays and I'll be in for awhile!

CUTE-ISMS

So, yesterday Kani was accidentally sent home on the bus when he was supposed to stay for math. I ended up having to collect him at the middle school, since I was not at the bus stop when they brought him home (Kindergarten policy). Apparently, Kani thought he missed Arts and Crafts (for who knows what reason). He said, "Darn it! I missed Arts & Crafts. Darn it!" It's not the first time he's used this phrase, but it still makes me chuckle (inside only, of course).

When we came home Kani wanted to work on making hearts. He's been big into tracing his cardboard pattern (half-heart) and cutting it out. But he hasn't quite mastered the concept of folding the paper and lining up the pattern on the edge just yet. So yesterday he messed up twice, and said, "Oh no! I'm not a good artist!" It was too cute. Wish I could have recorded that one. He even produced real tears!

Another cute thing we've discovered is how Kani uses "dot com" as a verb. He uses it to refer to something he wants to see on the computer. Example, "Can you dot com that video of the singing church?" (the church where he's starting to participate in mime). Cute!

Finally, this was a couple days ago. I RSVP'd to a birthday party that Kani was invited to on Saturday. I asked the Mom what the young girl liked, so we'd have an idea of what to take her. Kani was patiently listening at my side. When I hung up he asked, "What kinds of things does he like?" I explained that his friend was actually a "she" and that she likes girlie things and has her ears pierced, etc. He started to cry. "It's a GIRL party?" I guess I assumed since he knew the girl's name, he would know it was a girl. Guess not. I comforted him and assured him that I think he'll still have a good time at the party and that other boys will be there.

Such drama!

ANOTHER CORNY POEM

* Although Kani has slept in his bed before, I saved this for tonight-the first night he'll be in his bed "home, at last, to stay." Enjoy. (Author unknown)


Tonight as you lie sleeping
For the first time in your bed
There must be something lasting
And profound that should be said.
But as your face is gazed upon
Framed by your soft hair
No words can tell or quite express
The feelings that we share.
The wait is finally over.
You're home, at last, to stay.
And there will always be the memories
Of the joy that filled this day.
With a love that's running over
By the sight of you alone.
Welcome home, dear cherished one,
At long last...welcome home!

THE FINAL COUNTDOWN

So, one more day until Kani's "Going Home Party." Two more days before we actually get home as a family of four. And I still have a (little) fever. Ick. This is the third week in a row that I have been sick in some way. And it's no fun. I don't think it helped to drive the eight hours by myself on Sunday, or to be around the sick kids when I took Kani home. But you do what you have to do.

Last night was to be our last hoorah date. But I'm not too disappointed. Eric brought home dinner from the restaurant we were going to go to, and although we had planned to watch a movie at home, we just ended up going to bed early (I on the couch, Eric on his chair - until he went up to bed; I opted to keep the couch. It's my new best friend). And I don't feel the need to "get away" from Cameron just now. He watched cartoons so nice and quietly yesterday after I picked him up from school. And I was able to just chill on the couch. It could be worse. One of the good things about Cameron is that he doesn't watch TV very often. So on days like this when I really need a break from his incessant chatterboxing/stimming/etc., I don't feel as guilty about turning on the tube.

I feel like this weekend is anti-climatic. Perhaps that's because I feel I have a lot to do between now and then (around the house, at school, etc) and because we've been making this trip for the past six or seven weeks. Perhaps it's because I have a fever and am not really able to concentrate on the fact that we'll soon have two boys at our home forever. Perhaps it's also due, in part, to the fact that I know the reality of the situation is not all fun and games. The coming weeks and months are going to be difficult as we all learn how to live together. We've been through this before, and aren't naive enough to think that life is going to be wonderful with two six-year olds. I mean - it will be wonderful, but not all the time. And that's also tempered by the to and fro we'll be experiencing. We've got a lot to do. Register for school. Arrange appointments. Arrange caregivers. Keep busy enough with special activities (I've signed us each up for a sports-related activity) that we all have our own thing and we can have some time apart.

Anyway, we're in the home stretch now. All we have to do is pack the car for tomorrow (includes wrapping gifts for housemates -- the staff will have to wait for us to send a gift later, as I have been in no way able to do that this week), clean the house (doesn't THAT sound simple?), and make it through the rest of the stuff I need to finish for school. But I have been productive today - I got Kani registered for school, and he'll be ready to start on Tuesday. His bus time works fabulously with the rest of the schedule, so we should be good to go there, too. Now, if I could just get better....I need as much energy as I can muster for this weekend of all weekends. Not to mention the coming days ahead AFTER the weekend. No "week off" anymore. It's game time!

Corny Poem - The Gift of Life (Author Unknown)

The Gift of Life:
I didn't give you the gift of life,
But in my heart I know
The love I feel is deep and real,
As if it had been so.
For us to have each other
Is like a dream come true!
No, I didn't give you the gift of life
Life gave me the gift of you!

CONFIRMATION - COMING HOME

We got the official word today that Kani will be moving home on Friday February 13th. No worries about the dates, folks - the 13th is a lucky day for our family. My mother was born on the 13th and Eric and I were married on the 13th.

We'll actually have a going away party at his home on Friday night. We'll probably stay overnight in town there before heading home, so we don't have to make the long trip right afterwards. I'm hoping my parents will be able to make it down on the 14th. Eric talked to his parents (I think?) but I don't know if they are able to come down that weekend or not. We'll not be ready to do much of any traveling right away, but certainly will welcome guests who would like to come and meet the newest member of our family.

So, I was looking forward to having a whole weekend at home without a long car ride. And that didn't quite work out how I thought it would. Friday night, when we called Kani, he told me he didn't want to ride all alone in the car with Eric, and that he "needed" me to come, too. What's a Mom to do? I made the concession that if I came, Ginger (the dog) would come, too (Kani had expressed some hesitation about the dog). Needless to say, Saturday morning at 6 a.m. we all packed into the car to pick up Kani. The ride back wasn't too bad. We marked our trip on the map. We listened to HSM CDs. I sat in the back with the boys, and even got some cuddle time in.

The afternoon was spent exploring the house and the toys. The boys tried out their sibling rivalry. We tried not to intervene too much as they will need to work it out. Sometimes we had to step in, but it wasn't too bad. They'll figure it out.

Went to church on Sunday, and that went really well. Kani was really well behaved and I was able to work myself out of the room. I think next week he may be able to be in there by himself during the service. The boys have an extra helper in the classroom now, so that should work pretty well as they all get to know each other better.

We got a call this morning that Kani had a really rough trip home. He cried the whole time (three plus hours) and asked why he couldn't stay with his family. Break my heart! So we're looking into how we can decrease the amount of anxiety he has to experience for the remainder of his transition to our home. More details to come on that later.

The Zoo

We went to the zoo on Monday. We saw lots of big cats up close. We also got our first family picture taken. It's definitely not the best picture any of us have taken, but...it's still ours.

Going to go add a picture to Sunday's post. If you haven't seen it already, scroll down and enjoy :)