Huh?

Can someone take a moment to remind me again why adopting kids is such a great idea? I just read a blog of a new foster parent who is just coming off her first respite placement. And I envy her that it's just her and her husband again.

Having kids changes things. Everyone knows that. So many people glorify parenting as the be all/end all goal in life. But is it, really? Certainly many people have bought into this. When people find out they can't have children, crazy stuff happens. When people decide they just don't want kids, people think there's something wrong with them.

My mom had a friend who openly admitted that she didn't like kids. My mother made the mistake of telling us kids that - so we never cared much for Cindy, either. I didn't understand it. How can you not like kids? Everyone has been a kid at one point. I think I understand now.

I'm a teacher. But I don't love kids. I love helping someone learn something that they didn't know before. I LOVED teaching adults because if they didn't want to be there, they just didn't come to class. I hate trying to convince people that they should care about what you are trying to teach. And isn't that what parenting is all about?

Tomorrow Cameron turns 7. He's been with us for just about three years now. And he still annoys me to no end on most days. Ouch. Seriously. He has his cute moments, don't get me wrong. But still. I've now known Kani for three months. And I'm gloriously happy when he goes to sleep at night.

My life now revolves mainly around my boys and their needs. I am good at coordinating their schedules, helping them with homework, and planning fun things for them to do. But somewhere along the way, I've forgotten what it was like before they came along. What did I do when I didn't have two other human beings dependent upon me for so many details of their life? When I didn't have so much laundry constantly staring at me? When I didn't have to consider going back to color-coding my day timer to keep track of everyone's schedule?

And I remember that when Cameron first came, I was overwhelmed with his appointments (he had about six different caretakers who were in and out of the house at all times). And I remember that this, too, will pass. We'll get into a rhythm. We'll find our own niches. And maybe, just maybe I can find my way back to my husband again. I know he's around here somewhere.