THE FINAL COUNTDOWN

So, one more day until Kani's "Going Home Party." Two more days before we actually get home as a family of four. And I still have a (little) fever. Ick. This is the third week in a row that I have been sick in some way. And it's no fun. I don't think it helped to drive the eight hours by myself on Sunday, or to be around the sick kids when I took Kani home. But you do what you have to do.

Last night was to be our last hoorah date. But I'm not too disappointed. Eric brought home dinner from the restaurant we were going to go to, and although we had planned to watch a movie at home, we just ended up going to bed early (I on the couch, Eric on his chair - until he went up to bed; I opted to keep the couch. It's my new best friend). And I don't feel the need to "get away" from Cameron just now. He watched cartoons so nice and quietly yesterday after I picked him up from school. And I was able to just chill on the couch. It could be worse. One of the good things about Cameron is that he doesn't watch TV very often. So on days like this when I really need a break from his incessant chatterboxing/stimming/etc., I don't feel as guilty about turning on the tube.

I feel like this weekend is anti-climatic. Perhaps that's because I feel I have a lot to do between now and then (around the house, at school, etc) and because we've been making this trip for the past six or seven weeks. Perhaps it's because I have a fever and am not really able to concentrate on the fact that we'll soon have two boys at our home forever. Perhaps it's also due, in part, to the fact that I know the reality of the situation is not all fun and games. The coming weeks and months are going to be difficult as we all learn how to live together. We've been through this before, and aren't naive enough to think that life is going to be wonderful with two six-year olds. I mean - it will be wonderful, but not all the time. And that's also tempered by the to and fro we'll be experiencing. We've got a lot to do. Register for school. Arrange appointments. Arrange caregivers. Keep busy enough with special activities (I've signed us each up for a sports-related activity) that we all have our own thing and we can have some time apart.

Anyway, we're in the home stretch now. All we have to do is pack the car for tomorrow (includes wrapping gifts for housemates -- the staff will have to wait for us to send a gift later, as I have been in no way able to do that this week), clean the house (doesn't THAT sound simple?), and make it through the rest of the stuff I need to finish for school. But I have been productive today - I got Kani registered for school, and he'll be ready to start on Tuesday. His bus time works fabulously with the rest of the schedule, so we should be good to go there, too. Now, if I could just get better....I need as much energy as I can muster for this weekend of all weekends. Not to mention the coming days ahead AFTER the weekend. No "week off" anymore. It's game time!

Corny Poem - The Gift of Life (Author Unknown)

The Gift of Life:
I didn't give you the gift of life,
But in my heart I know
The love I feel is deep and real,
As if it had been so.
For us to have each other
Is like a dream come true!
No, I didn't give you the gift of life
Life gave me the gift of you!

CONFIRMATION - COMING HOME

We got the official word today that Kani will be moving home on Friday February 13th. No worries about the dates, folks - the 13th is a lucky day for our family. My mother was born on the 13th and Eric and I were married on the 13th.

We'll actually have a going away party at his home on Friday night. We'll probably stay overnight in town there before heading home, so we don't have to make the long trip right afterwards. I'm hoping my parents will be able to make it down on the 14th. Eric talked to his parents (I think?) but I don't know if they are able to come down that weekend or not. We'll not be ready to do much of any traveling right away, but certainly will welcome guests who would like to come and meet the newest member of our family.

So, I was looking forward to having a whole weekend at home without a long car ride. And that didn't quite work out how I thought it would. Friday night, when we called Kani, he told me he didn't want to ride all alone in the car with Eric, and that he "needed" me to come, too. What's a Mom to do? I made the concession that if I came, Ginger (the dog) would come, too (Kani had expressed some hesitation about the dog). Needless to say, Saturday morning at 6 a.m. we all packed into the car to pick up Kani. The ride back wasn't too bad. We marked our trip on the map. We listened to HSM CDs. I sat in the back with the boys, and even got some cuddle time in.

The afternoon was spent exploring the house and the toys. The boys tried out their sibling rivalry. We tried not to intervene too much as they will need to work it out. Sometimes we had to step in, but it wasn't too bad. They'll figure it out.

Went to church on Sunday, and that went really well. Kani was really well behaved and I was able to work myself out of the room. I think next week he may be able to be in there by himself during the service. The boys have an extra helper in the classroom now, so that should work pretty well as they all get to know each other better.

We got a call this morning that Kani had a really rough trip home. He cried the whole time (three plus hours) and asked why he couldn't stay with his family. Break my heart! So we're looking into how we can decrease the amount of anxiety he has to experience for the remainder of his transition to our home. More details to come on that later.

The Zoo

We went to the zoo on Monday. We saw lots of big cats up close. We also got our first family picture taken. It's definitely not the best picture any of us have taken, but...it's still ours.

Going to go add a picture to Sunday's post. If you haven't seen it already, scroll down and enjoy :)

TUESDAY'S PLAN

Tuesday, I went to Kani's school and met with his teachers. That was a very interesting experience. It definitely took me back to my days of student teaching in Pittsburgh city. I also met the lady who had come forward to adopt after we had been matched. That was...awkward. What do you say? Nee-ner-nee-ner-nee-ner? I'm sorry? It was just strange.

After the school, I went to meet with seven of Kani's caseworkers to discuss the remainder of the transition and how that would be scheduled. Since we now are CPR certified, we are able to go on an unsupervised visit. We'll do that this Saturday. After that (typically), the Dept likes to schedule two day-time visits at the adoptive parents' home, then two overnight visits, then two weekend visits (two overnights back to back). Given the distance between where we live and where Kani lives, we were able to agree to drop the two day-time visits. So as it stands - we'll have our first overnight visit next weekend. Since we anticipate the evening hours to be the most stressful (the only time Kani has been away from his home overnight has been when he has been in the hospital). So rather than have him come up Friday after school (and arrive at a totally strange home after dark), I requested that they bring him Saturday morning, so he can arrive around lunchtime. Then he'll have the whole day to adjust to the house before we have to try the bedtime routine. He'll then go home Sunday. If this first overnight visit goes really well (or he has a really bad reaction when he goes home), we may forgo the second overnight and head straight to the weekend visits. Again, with the long trips in the car, this can be a very tiring process for a little guy. Indeed, we've been traveling back and forth every weekend this month and it is not fun even for adults (yet, totally worth it).

So, the soonest he could move in would be Saturday, February 14th. I don't necessarily anticipate this move-in date. However, it looks like the latest he would move in would be Saturday, February 28th. So we're on the home stretch anyway. We've got about a month before move-in. We have plenty of things to do in anticipation of the transfer to arrange for services, transfer medical files, etc. But we're getting to the end - which is really just the beginning of our life together as a family. Our state law says that he will need to be with us for six months before we can finalize the adoption. So, we may be able to schedule that towards the end of the summer.

We're just glad that this should be our last overnight visit "down there." Of course, we do still plan to visit after placement, so that Kani can see his friends/housemates/nurses/etc. But it will be different then, I think. I will enjoy continuing to see the other kids there. They are really too precious for words. It's hard to be unhappy around them!

TWO BROTHERS MEET

Yesterday, Cameron and Kani were able to meet at last. It really went quite well. Kani seemed quick to understand Cameron, and was not afraid to lead him around. It was funny to see, as Cameron is used to being "head honcho." But Cameron was pretty willing to go along with whatever was suggested.

We gave Kani the little photo album that I had made for him. It has pictures of each of us, and also some of the house. We got a chance to talk about some of the questions he had (about what he's allowed to bring with him, what his room is going to be like, etc.)

We went to Burger King and the Dollar Tree. The boys were both a little hesitant about the indoor play yard at Burger King. But they came around. Kani, at one point, told us he wasn't having fun that day. I told him it was too bad-that sometimes we had to go out to lunch, play on a playground, and just buck it up.

When we went to the Dollar Tree, Kani wanted to check out other things on different aisles. He said, "Come down here - I just want to see what's down here." A woman was walking by us at the moment, and apparently got a kick out of the way Kani was pleading his case. She smiled toward me with a knowing mom-to-mom look and said, "Yeah Mom, he just wants to see what's down there." Wow! She didn't even skip a beat in assuming I was his Mom. It just truly floored me, and warmed my heart.

We spent some more time at Kani's place in the afternoon. I started to read a book aloud, and both boys eventually joined me. Kani snuggled up to me, which of course made me very happy. Later, he came and sat on my lap (while sucking his thumb) and we had a chance to talk about some of the other things that he had expressed some anxiety about. I told him that we'd try to get some pictures of his friends to put up by his new bed, so that he could see them when he was missing them. He rubbed my arms, and it was definitely a moment. It was especially hard to leave Kani behind today, as we headed to Eric's sister's house. We'll be back for another visit tomorrow (I think we're going to the zoo with the nurse, who has a pass). I'll get to see Kani on Tuesday at school. I also have a meeting with the social workers on Tuesday to talk through the details of the transition home. Then it's a 3.5 hour drive home to pick up the dog and head straight to our infant/child CPR class (a requirement before Kani can stay overnight at our house). I'm hoping that we might just have one more visit here and then Kani can start his visits at our place.

This adoption is healing my heart in so many ways. These multiple opportunities to meet Kani and get to know him and try out our parental ways on him while there are others with us to let us know if he's working the charm or otherwise really helps us feel "ready" to accept this challenge. It's certainly going to take us awhile to get back into a routine, but we're much further ahead with Kani than we were with Cameron. So we're ready to go. This process has been particularly helpful for Eric, who likes to have a little more time to prepare himself for what we're getting into. This is the first time that I've seen Eric become so attached to a kid so soon. I think it helps that we don't have to "reserve" ourselves from feeling too much, as we don't have to worry about the foster-care thing when he might not be able to stay. We can just love on him right away, and know that he's already a part of our family. Because he's never really had a family, he's allowed to love us back without fear of hurting biological parents or foster parents, or otherwise. We'll still be able to maintain the relationships he's created with his care providers -- most of whom have known him for most of his life! All together, I'm amazed at this not-so-traditional adoption. We know how fortunate we are to be experiencing things in this way! Bring it on!