Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Let's Try This A Different Way

Foster parents for eight years. Married for five. Ten kids. One adoption. Lots of heartache. Good intentions. New direction.

I have a lot of questions for God and His logic. It's amazing to me when I look to see who in this world has been able to have children. No questions asked. No home study necessary. Nine month waiting time. Medical costs covered by insurance.

Then there are those of us who have to travel a different road. But there are many different roads to travel:
- Do we just accept that we'll never have kids?
- Do we try to adopt?
- Do we pursue infertility treatments?
- Do we foster parent?
- What are our choices?

I started down the road of foster parenting eight years ago, when my first foster son walked through my door, cat-calling, whistling, and asking how much allowance he would get. He was seven years old. Eight years and two days later, here I sit with one son sleeping upstairs. And I feel like I am no further ahead in many ways than I was at the beginning of this all.

We recently decided that we'd like to take a more active role in the expansion of our family. We've had some rough times in our five years of marriage. We've spent three years trying to help out a teenage girl who has now decided that she does not need us (three months before her 18th birthday), but still wants to know what we're willing to do for her. It's time for a change.

Foster parenting ground to a halt for us after our son moved in two and a half years ago. There's been one thing or another that has stood in the way of us expanding our family through foster parenting again. So we've looked into our options. We considered an infant this summer who had been born prematurely. He passed away before we had a chance to meet him or pursue it further. My heart longs to have more control in creating our family. It's discouraging that we have to jump through so many hoops to get anywhere.

So now we are pursuing international adoption. The first few steps have not given us much more hope than we've had in the past. We're too fat for one country. The fact that our infertility has contributed some depression excludes us from another. We haven't been married long enough for that one. And on and on. So the search continues. Right now, we're waiting to hear back as to whether or not we'd be eligible for another country's programs. Finally, the agency that did our son's home study wants to "talk to us some more" before they "allow" us to purchase his home study back from the state (who initially paid for it, since it was an adoption through foster care). Are you frickin' kidding me?

Wouldn't it be nice if ALL prospective parents had to endure such scrutiny? Or would it? How many less children would be conceived if there was a pre-conception requirement? I can tell you one thing - I wouldn't likely have our current son. And his biological mother wouldn't have had the two that have come after HIS placement with us.

I have my limits about the things I'll do to add to our family (though some may argue that this isn't the case, and certainly my limits have expanded over time). I just can't believe that it's SO difficult to even qualify to be considered to adopt children that are in need of a family that will be committed to them.

So, as my title says, I have just a little faith left. But that's all that God requires. So -- watch as we move this mountain that looms in front of us. This is going to take a lot of time, money, and energy. But we'll do what we need to do, in the interest of creating as normal of a life for our family as we possibly can. Time to get creative! I've already sold three pies to start to defray the costs related to the fees that we will incur. It will take many more before we can find and bring a child into our home as part of our family. But at least it gets me doing SOMETHING!

Stay tuned for our progress reports....

1 comment:

Julie Paule said...

what happened to "b"" the 14 year old teenager you had?