Interesting

I was talking to a friend the other day about our plans to domestically adopt an African American infant. Our choice to do this involves many issues, one of which is the greater need for families to adopt these babies. Another is to racially balance our family a little. Another is due to the network of friends (and now family) that we have who have adopted transracially. However, during our conversation, we were discussing the adoptions of children from foreign countries - specifically African countries. My sister is currently adopting a little baby boy (less than one year old) from Africa. One of the lures of this particular country is the relative cost and speed of the adoption, and the age of available children, relative to other international adoptions. And this friend made a comment that really made me think. She asked if I thought that there were more people willing to adopt from Africa than there were willing to adopt African American children. And I think there are. Then I got to thinking about why that might be. It's all very interesting to me. I commented to my cousin just today about this. I know people will think I'm making a judgment call on those who choose to adopt internationally (specifically from Africa) rather than domestsically. That's not the case. I just think it's INTERESTING.

Everyone has different reasons to adopt. Usually the reasons we have going into adoption are partially altruistic, and partially selfish. We want to do something "nice" and "good." But we also want to get something out of it, too.

For my sister and her family, they feel that it is God's calling on their life to adopt a child from Africa. They met their son for the first time yesterday, and will be bringing him home to the US on Father's Day. They have three biological children of her own. It has been interesting to share in her adoption journey. It is not the same as mine. But then again, each adoption is unique.

As for me and my husband, we cannot have biological children. We were foster parents for 8 years. We had ten foster children - some part-time, some long term. We adopted our first son through foster care. Then we left foster care and are in the process of adopting our second son (age 6) from the statewide adoption network. Currently, our hope is for our next child to be a domestic infant adoption of an African American child. We have never had an infant. We'd like very much to have the opportunity to experience that stage of life and all the "not so grand" things that go with it (sleepless nights, bottles, diapers, etc.) We have lost our innocence about parenting along the way, I think. We know that babies don't last forever and all too soon you have the very real task of discipline and later hormones (this last point is one of the reasons why my vote is currently for another boy - not to mention the fact that we're much more "set up" with boy stuff). The thought of getting a child from the hospital - or shortly thereafter - excites us. We couldn't do this internationally. But we can do this locally.

So we're no "better" for deciding to form our family locally. We're no worse, either. It's just our choice that has worked for our family at the particular moment in time when each child came into our lives. There have been times when we have considered international adoption. Indeed, we were approved for a country on the same day we got the call that we were being considered for Kani. And we had to make a very real decision about the trade-offs of adopting in this manner. Ultimately, we took the risk of another rejection to go for the child who we had chosen - from a picture and from a short biography - that made us believe he was a child who was meant to be a part of our family.

I tease my husband and say that maybe we'll just do one of each: adoption through foster care, adoption from the statewide adoption network, domestic infant adoption, and international adoption. Really, I don't know what's going to happen. But I do know this. There are a lot of children in our WORLD - towns, states, country, AND in our world - that need a home. They don't need perfect families. They're not perfect children. But they do need someone to love them, to accept them, and to be willing to let them into their homes and their lives as a member of their family.

So, I guess the real question is, what are YOU willing to do for the children who need a home?

Dress Up

Even boys like to play dress-up. I crack up when I see these pictures, and applaud myself for picking up the day-after Halloween costumes solely for this purpose. What's particularly funny is how COOL they think they are when they're dressed up like this!!

Birthday

It's been over a month since Cameron turned seven. Guess I should post a picture.



His birthday was a stressful day. Indeed, April was a pretty stressful month. But things are slowly getting into a better rhythm and we're starting to enjoy some time together. We know to expect the ups and downs in adoption. But when you go through it again and again and again you kind of think...can we just be done with this already?

Anyway, like I said, Cameron is seven. SEVEN! I can hardly believe it. He's actually got his first loose tooth (nevermind that Kani has already lost at least six teeth, and is younger). He still does not have his six year molars (Kani got those sealed up at his March dental appointment). And we're still working on the night-time pull-ups (Kani has been dry for the past three nights - he's made a deal with Eric, supposedly). But, as Eric pointed out tonight, there ARE things that Cameron is "better" at than Kani. Like using a quiet voice. Or dribbling a basketball. Or following directions (for the most part). He's starting to read (which is still shocking the pants off of me) and can "count on." He hasn't lost his innocence - not sure he ever will. He prefers to listen to "Muffin Man" and other children's songs, though he's learning all about Hip-Hop. I was really starting to worry about our summer together, but found out that Cameron qualifies for a summer program that will give him some much needed structured time, and will give me a little reprieve here and there. So I'm cautiously optimistic that we WILL survive this summer ;)

Ticked Off

Saturday, we went "fishing." The boys all went with Ginger for a walk. Last night, we found two ticks on Cameron and one on Kani (none on me or Eric, or even the dog - thank goodness! I would have flipped out - I've never had one). Eric removed the intruders at bathtime, and I - ever documenting our family fun - took a picture. Then I bagged 'em up - just in case.



These are the two bigger ones that we got. There was also one small one that we're a bit concerned with that was on Cameron's thigh. We'll be keeping a close eye on all the spots, to be sure.

Huh?

Can someone take a moment to remind me again why adopting kids is such a great idea? I just read a blog of a new foster parent who is just coming off her first respite placement. And I envy her that it's just her and her husband again.

Having kids changes things. Everyone knows that. So many people glorify parenting as the be all/end all goal in life. But is it, really? Certainly many people have bought into this. When people find out they can't have children, crazy stuff happens. When people decide they just don't want kids, people think there's something wrong with them.

My mom had a friend who openly admitted that she didn't like kids. My mother made the mistake of telling us kids that - so we never cared much for Cindy, either. I didn't understand it. How can you not like kids? Everyone has been a kid at one point. I think I understand now.

I'm a teacher. But I don't love kids. I love helping someone learn something that they didn't know before. I LOVED teaching adults because if they didn't want to be there, they just didn't come to class. I hate trying to convince people that they should care about what you are trying to teach. And isn't that what parenting is all about?

Tomorrow Cameron turns 7. He's been with us for just about three years now. And he still annoys me to no end on most days. Ouch. Seriously. He has his cute moments, don't get me wrong. But still. I've now known Kani for three months. And I'm gloriously happy when he goes to sleep at night.

My life now revolves mainly around my boys and their needs. I am good at coordinating their schedules, helping them with homework, and planning fun things for them to do. But somewhere along the way, I've forgotten what it was like before they came along. What did I do when I didn't have two other human beings dependent upon me for so many details of their life? When I didn't have so much laundry constantly staring at me? When I didn't have to consider going back to color-coding my day timer to keep track of everyone's schedule?

And I remember that when Cameron first came, I was overwhelmed with his appointments (he had about six different caretakers who were in and out of the house at all times). And I remember that this, too, will pass. We'll get into a rhythm. We'll find our own niches. And maybe, just maybe I can find my way back to my husband again. I know he's around here somewhere.

End of March

Well, a lot has happened since the beginning of Spring Break, which is why it has taken me so long to update this blog! Mid-week Spring Break found me taking Kani out of school and taking both boys to my sister's house (nine hours away). Kani got to meet his cousins. Eric got to have the house to himself. And I didn't have to be alone with the boys at home (change of scenery is always nice).

This week has been crazy. I had five appointments this week! We have some services set up for school (well, at least we're one step closer). We're updated at the dentist. We've done our pre-op appointment for the microlaryngoscopy/bronchoscopy in April and we've begun our transition services. So it's all good. I think we "just" have three appointments next week ;)

In other news, we got a call from the caseworker. She said she received the copy of our "intent to adopt" paperwork which was filed by our lawyer. She also said that the lawyer mentioned getting a finalization date of May or June, possibly. I'll believe it when I see it - that's two or three months sooner then we were anticipating!

Things here are evening out. Kani is getting used to our routines. His physical aggression is decreasing and he is starting to behave better at school. He's big into crafts just now. I'm hoping to get him into some kind of arts and crafts activity over the summer. We'll see what's available locally. Both boys will participate in sports camp at church again this year. And they'll both go to the VBS at Cameron's Great Aunt's church. I've planned our vacation to go to Kentucky. We're going to visit my cousin and her family (they're adopting, too!) and do a bit of camping. Should be fun - and interesting to see how the boys handle "roughing it."

Right now, it's time to go down to the Y and pick Cameron up from his "Kids' Night Out." Kani couldn't go, due to a physically aggressive choice he made earlier this evening :( Have a great weekend.

One Small Step

It's Spring Break here - for me. Kani has school this week, and I put Cameron in a couple days of day care. What a smart choice THAT was. I had a doctor's appointment today, and the rest of the day was spent making phone calls. We got Kani's insurance changed over, which means that I'm now able to schedule the five appointments for him that are needed. I got four scheduled today - and one was even able to get us in today! That appointment lasted an hour and a half, but hopefully will get some supports in place to help Kani continue to be successful (specifically, in school).

I've been very grateful for our adoption support network, whose director is likely my best friend and is so helpful. When I called her last week crying "may-day! may-day! I'm losing my mind!" she helped me pull a plan together to get through this more difficult transitioning time of the adoption process. It's not that Kani's behaviors have gotten any worse, it's just that MY honeymoon has ended. I was feeling sick last week (I must have done something to a rib while coughing, because it now feels like it's poking into my lung, which is just now feeling better) and was irritable for many reasons, including that it was the week before Spring Break and I had lots of loose ends to tie up at work and at home, etc. She didn't bat an eyelash or start trying to figure out what was wrong or what was causing it. She just helped me make a plan, which was exactly what I needed at that moment. There aren't many people who know how to help. This is why the support of other adoptive parents is SO necessary for all of our success!