another-kline-adoption

A Pie in the Oven

2009-11-17T18:46:00.001-08:00

As you may know, I bake pies. And from time to time I take on a pie frenzy for a purpose. I've baked pies to raise money for orphans in M-y-a-n-m-a*r. And I've baked pies to help us have enough money to pay fees related to an adoption of a domestic infant.

Since we're gearing up to move forward with that whole process, and given that it's holiday season, I figured it was time to put the shout out to see if anyone was interested in donating to the Kline Kid Cause in exchange for a pie.

I just took the first pie out of the oven. And I have orders for nine more. When some people are expecting they say they have "a bun in the oven." As for us, when we're expecting, you'll find pies in our ovens!

Adoption #3

2009-11-14T19:33:00.001-08:00

We've done an adoption through foster care. We've done an adoption through the state. My sister has covered the international adoption market. So we figure we'd try a domestic infant adoption (private). We're in the very beginning phases of signing up with an agency who will help get our situation out there for birthparents. We're working on re-starting the home study process. And we'll go from there. This is a completely new experience for us, though many of the steps are the same. And the outcome, if all goes as planned - will be a completely new experience for us.

So I guess I'll rev up this website for this one last journey. Thanks for following along on this craziness and for supporting our family through it all!

Complete

2009-08-20T17:44:00.001-07:00

A year ago, I submitted an interest form on adoptuskids.org on a little boy who needed a family. Today we officially added him to ours. I'm not sure where our adoption journey will go from here. I'm not sure if this is the end of our adoption journey or if there might be a longer road ahead. For today, we are celebrating this leg of the journey.

Today, I decorated the dining room for cake. I had Kani stay upstairs while I did it. When I finally let him come down, he said, "Wow Mom, you're pretty impressed about this." I love that he used the word "impressed." I love that he told me that I was impressed!

This day was different than Cameron's adoption. We actually were in the courtroom. Judge Lunsford let Kani sit in his chair while he took our testimony down at the tables. Cameron sat in the jury booth. Here are some snippets from our day:

WEARY

2009-08-15T07:56:00.001-07:00

It has been an exhausting week. And I don't mean just tiring. I mean "I'm at the end of my rope and don't think I can do this anymore" type of exhaustion.

It should have been a good week. I had good things planned. And we did those good things. We went to the library when it got really hot. We went out to Rita's with Daddy that same afternoon (Monday). The kitten came Tuesday, and all plans went in the crapper. We went to the last freebie movie of the summer with Arianna and Nicole on Wednesday. Our baseball game was rained out Wednesday night (thank God). We went to Lakemont Park on Thursday.

I think things started to break down Monday night. I don't remember how we got there, but once again Kani screamed and screamed at bedtime. We ended up moving Cameron to the big-boy bed in the nursery. But I have little tolerance for Kani's extreme reactions to his fears of being alone. So that wasn't pretty.

Tuesday was understandably chaotic. But Cameron really loves the kitten, and has calmed down considerably in her midst.

The week just got increasingly stressful and it came to a head at the park. Kani did not follow the rules in the water park area, and he had to have a time-out. Once he finally calmed down, we went back into the water - where he almost immediately broke the rules again (which were set up so that he'd stay close enough to me that I wouldn't be terrified of him getting water in his stoma - hole if he fell into the 1' water). So I told him he was done in the water. Just too much stress. He pitched a fit on the pool chair. Then again on the cement when I took him off the chair. Then again on the grass later. And I lost it.

Yesterday I was in a better place and Kani and I worked on some of his troublesome behaviors throughout the morning while Cameron was at Stepping Stones (social skills group for kids on the autism spectrum). And Kani continued to test and test. We went to the grocery store, and I ended up having to hold Kani's hand through the store. Of course, this just caused him to meltdown - he tried to hit me, kick me, bite me, etc. I was exhausted. And I lost it.

This morning, I found Cameron downstairs in the living room with a popcorn bag (from my snack last night). He decided to "feed" some to the kitten. And then he licked the bag. And I lost it.

Do we see a pattern?

So - I'm home now. Blissfully alone. Eric took the boys to Hanover to visit his family and celebrate his Mom's birthday. I'm sad I'm not there, but glad I'll see them on Thursday at the adoption. And I know that the boys and I need a break from one another.

I'm so thankful for my friend - who has parented a child who is not hers biologically - for affirming that the things I deal with on a day in and day out basis are not "normal kid things." They are intensified by the "ish" that my kids have brought with them from their families of origin. I do not have memories of their infantile innocence to fall back upon. I always have to "be on" with them. It's intense. Every minute I'm with them. I love them dearly. But it's not always fun to be their Mommy.

Kani's biggest thing right now is not knowing what to do with himself. He doesn't play with toys appropriately and is destructive. He took crayon to his (white) carpet this week. He took scissors to a shoe box which ended up in a gazillion pieces in the den. He tried to break two chairs. But not everyone gets to see this side of him. So I end up being the stressed out Mommy who "can't handle it."

Cameron is - just Cameron. He pees himself. He is unaware of his surroundings. He's in his own little world. He's dear. But he's disconnected. So I don't know him very well. And then when he does his things, it makes it that much more difficult to extend grace.

So, I'm looking forward to this weekend. Today is the Bellefonte Arts and Crafts Fair. My friend Cady and her Rob are coming over for a movie this afternoon. I may get some work done around the house. Or I may not. Tomorrow I have another call back for our church's Christmas musical and then there's a picnic. I may get work done for school. I may not. But I am definitely going to relish this weekend and the gift of it! Eric has given me permission to "get away" (with prior notice). He realizes the rejuvenating power of me getting a Motel 6 for a night and just being alone. I crave solitude. Sometimes my family has seen this as me 'running away' from problems. In reality, it's the space I need to process things. It's cathartic. I am so fortunate to have a husband who recognizes the importance of this and makes allowances for it without taking it personally. He said the other day that he can't parent these boys without me. But I could NOT do this without him.

Adoption Date

2009-07-17T09:51:00.000-07:00

If you haven't already heard, Kani's adoption is set for Thursday, August 20th at 2:00 p.m. Cameron's was in the morning, so we went to the Waffle Shop and then to the local indoor play area. For Kani, we promised Chuck E. Cheese - which is about an hour away.

Looks like at the very least Kani's Philadelphia caseworker, Eric's parents, Eric's grandmother, and our family will be there. Should be a fun time!

Interesting

2009-06-13T12:56:00.000-07:00

I was talking to a friend the other day about our plans to domestically adopt an African American infant. Our choice to do this involves many issues, one of which is the greater need for families to adopt these babies. Another is to racially balance our family a little. Another is due to the network of friends (and now family) that we have who have adopted transracially. However, during our conversation, we were discussing the adoptions of children from foreign countries - specifically African countries. My sister is currently adopting a little baby boy (less than one year old) from Africa. One of the lures of this particular country is the relative cost and speed of the adoption, and the age of available children, relative to other international adoptions. And this friend made a comment that really made me think. She asked if I thought that there were more people willing to adopt from Africa than there were willing to adopt African American children. And I think there are. Then I got to thinking about why that might be. It's all very interesting to me. I commented to my cousin just today about this. I know people will think I'm making a judgment call on those who choose to adopt internationally (specifically from Africa) rather than domestsically. That's not the case. I just think it's INTERESTING.

Everyone has different reasons to adopt. Usually the reasons we have going into adoption are partially altruistic, and partially selfish. We want to do something "nice" and "good." But we also want to get something out of it, too.

For my sister and her family, they feel that it is God's calling on their life to adopt a child from Africa. They met their son for the first time yesterday, and will be bringing him home to the US on Father's Day. They have three biological children of her own. It has been interesting to share in her adoption journey. It is not the same as mine. But then again, each adoption is unique.

As for me and my husband, we cannot have biological children. We were foster parents for 8 years. We had ten foster children - some part-time, some long term. We adopted our first son through foster care. Then we left foster care and are in the process of adopting our second son (age 6) from the statewide adoption network. Currently, our hope is for our next child to be a domestic infant adoption of an African American child. We have never had an infant. We'd like very much to have the opportunity to experience that stage of life and all the "not so grand" things that go with it (sleepless nights, bottles, diapers, etc.) We have lost our innocence about parenting along the way, I think. We know that babies don't last forever and all too soon you have the very real task of discipline and later hormones (this last point is one of the reasons why my vote is currently for another boy - not to mention the fact that we're much more "set up" with boy stuff). The thought of getting a child from the hospital - or shortly thereafter - excites us. We couldn't do this internationally. But we can do this locally.

So we're no "better" for deciding to form our family locally. We're no worse, either. It's just our choice that has worked for our family at the particular moment in time when each child came into our lives. There have been times when we have considered international adoption. Indeed, we were approved for a country on the same day we got the call that we were being considered for Kani. And we had to make a very real decision about the trade-offs of adopting in this manner. Ultimately, we took the risk of another rejection to go for the child who we had chosen - from a picture and from a short biography - that made us believe he was a child who was meant to be a part of our family.

I tease my husband and say that maybe we'll just do one of each: adoption through foster care, adoption from the statewide adoption network, domestic infant adoption, and international adoption. Really, I don't know what's going to happen. But I do know this. There are a lot of children in our WORLD - towns, states, country, AND in our world - that need a home. They don't need perfect families. They're not perfect children. But they do need someone to love them, to accept them, and to be willing to let them into their homes and their lives as a member of their family.

So, I guess the real question is, what are YOU willing to do for the children who need a home?

Dress Up

2009-05-04T19:24:00.001-07:00

Even boys like to play dress-up. I crack up when I see these pictures, and applaud myself for picking up the day-after Halloween costumes solely for this purpose. What's particularly funny is how COOL they think they are when they're dressed up like this!!

Birthday

2009-05-04T19:17:00.001-07:00

It's been over a month since Cameron turned seven. Guess I should post a picture.

His birthday was a stressful day. Indeed, April was a pretty stressful month. But things are slowly getting into a better rhythm and we're starting to enjoy some time together. We know to expect the ups and downs in adoption. But when you go through it again and again and again you kind of think...can we just be done with this already?

Anyway, like I said, Cameron is seven. SEVEN! I can hardly believe it. He's actually got his first loose tooth (nevermind that Kani has already lost at least six teeth, and is younger). He still does not have his six year molars (Kani got those sealed up at his March dental appointment). And we're still working on the night-time pull-ups (Kani has been dry for the past three nights - he's made a deal with Eric, supposedly). But, as Eric pointed out tonight, there ARE things that Cameron is "better" at than Kani. Like using a quiet voice. Or dribbling a basketball. Or following directions (for the most part). He's starting to read (which is still shocking the pants off of me) and can "count on." He hasn't lost his innocence - not sure he ever will. He prefers to listen to "Muffin Man" and other children's songs, though he's learning all about Hip-Hop. I was really starting to worry about our summer together, but found out that Cameron qualifies for a summer program that will give him some much needed structured time, and will give me a little reprieve here and there. So I'm cautiously optimistic that we WILL survive this summer ;)

Ticked Off

2009-05-04T19:13:00.000-07:00

Saturday, we went "fishing." The boys all went with Ginger for a walk. Last night, we found two ticks on Cameron and one on Kani (none on me or Eric, or even the dog - thank goodness! I would have flipped out - I've never had one). Eric removed the intruders at bathtime, and I - ever documenting our family fun - took a picture. Then I bagged 'em up - just in case.

These are the two bigger ones that we got. There was also one small one that we're a bit concerned with that was on Cameron's thigh. We'll be keeping a close eye on all the spots, to be sure.

Huh?

2009-04-01T17:43:00.001-07:00

Can someone take a moment to remind me again why adopting kids is such a great idea? I just read a blog of a new foster parent who is just coming off her first respite placement. And I envy her that it's just her and her husband again.

Having kids changes things. Everyone knows that. So many people glorify parenting as the be all/end all goal in life. But is it, really? Certainly many people have bought into this. When people find out they can't have children, crazy stuff happens. When people decide they just don't want kids, people think there's something wrong with them.

My mom had a friend who openly admitted that she didn't like kids. My mother made the mistake of telling us kids that - so we never cared much for Cindy, either. I didn't understand it. How can you not like kids? Everyone has been a kid at one point. I think I understand now.

I'm a teacher. But I don't love kids. I love helping someone learn something that they didn't know before. I LOVED teaching adults because if they didn't want to be there, they just didn't come to class. I hate trying to convince people that they should care about what you are trying to teach. And isn't that what parenting is all about?

Tomorrow Cameron turns 7. He's been with us for just about three years now. And he still annoys me to no end on most days. Ouch. Seriously. He has his cute moments, don't get me wrong. But still. I've now known Kani for three months. And I'm gloriously happy when he goes to sleep at night.

My life now revolves mainly around my boys and their needs. I am good at coordinating their schedules, helping them with homework, and planning fun things for them to do. But somewhere along the way, I've forgotten what it was like before they came along. What did I do when I didn't have two other human beings dependent upon me for so many details of their life? When I didn't have so much laundry constantly staring at me? When I didn't have to consider going back to color-coding my day timer to keep track of everyone's schedule?

And I remember that when Cameron first came, I was overwhelmed with his appointments (he had about six different caretakers who were in and out of the house at all times). And I remember that this, too, will pass. We'll get into a rhythm. We'll find our own niches. And maybe, just maybe I can find my way back to my husband again. I know he's around here somewhere.

End of March

2009-03-27T17:23:00.000-07:00

Well, a lot has happened since the beginning of Spring Break, which is why it has taken me so long to update this blog! Mid-week Spring Break found me taking Kani out of school and taking both boys to my sister's house (nine hours away). Kani got to meet his cousins. Eric got to have the house to himself. And I didn't have to be alone with the boys at home (change of scenery is always nice).

This week has been crazy. I had five appointments this week! We have some services set up for school (well, at least we're one step closer). We're updated at the dentist. We've done our pre-op appointment for the microlaryngoscopy/bronchoscopy in April and we've begun our transition services. So it's all good. I think we "just" have three appointments next week ;)

In other news, we got a call from the caseworker. She said she received the copy of our "intent to adopt" paperwork which was filed by our lawyer. She also said that the lawyer mentioned getting a finalization date of May or June, possibly. I'll believe it when I see it - that's two or three months sooner then we were anticipating!

Things here are evening out. Kani is getting used to our routines. His physical aggression is decreasing and he is starting to behave better at school. He's big into crafts just now. I'm hoping to get him into some kind of arts and crafts activity over the summer. We'll see what's available locally. Both boys will participate in sports camp at church again this year. And they'll both go to the VBS at Cameron's Great Aunt's church. I've planned our vacation to go to Kentucky. We're going to visit my cousin and her family (they're adopting, too!) and do a bit of camping. Should be fun - and interesting to see how the boys handle "roughing it."

Right now, it's time to go down to the Y and pick Cameron up from his "Kids' Night Out." Kani couldn't go, due to a physically aggressive choice he made earlier this evening :( Have a great weekend.

One Small Step

2009-03-09T18:15:00.000-07:00

It's Spring Break here - for me. Kani has school this week, and I put Cameron in a couple days of day care. What a smart choice THAT was. I had a doctor's appointment today, and the rest of the day was spent making phone calls. We got Kani's insurance changed over, which means that I'm now able to schedule the five appointments for him that are needed. I got four scheduled today - and one was even able to get us in today! That appointment lasted an hour and a half, but hopefully will get some supports in place to help Kani continue to be successful (specifically, in school).

I've been very grateful for our adoption support network, whose director is likely my best friend and is so helpful. When I called her last week crying "may-day! may-day! I'm losing my mind!" she helped me pull a plan together to get through this more difficult transitioning time of the adoption process. It's not that Kani's behaviors have gotten any worse, it's just that MY honeymoon has ended. I was feeling sick last week (I must have done something to a rib while coughing, because it now feels like it's poking into my lung, which is just now feeling better) and was irritable for many reasons, including that it was the week before Spring Break and I had lots of loose ends to tie up at work and at home, etc. She didn't bat an eyelash or start trying to figure out what was wrong or what was causing it. She just helped me make a plan, which was exactly what I needed at that moment. There aren't many people who know how to help. This is why the support of other adoptive parents is SO necessary for all of our success!

Two More

2009-02-25T16:37:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I ask Kani to do something. To indicate that he understands he says, "I've got you, Mommy." But the other day he added a little something. It ended up like this:

"Okay, Mommy. I've got you. I've got your back!"
I nearly died.

Tonight as we were struggling through the difficult task of learning how to write the letter "e" in its various forms (didn't I just go through this with Cameron??? -- I did! Sigh.) Kani remarked, "I can't sit properly." No kidding! The kid had more moves than a squirrel in traffic.

Now it's time for Mommy to get away to her swimming class. My attendance is much improved this session. Can't imagine why :) It's good to get out. And it makes our bedtime roles so much clearer to know that Mondays and Wednesdays are Daddy's nights and Tuesdays and Thursdays are (for the most part) Mommy's nights--except for tomorrow night, when Eric is letting me go to our old Life Group get-together while he manages the kids - we had a last minute cancellation with our babysitter :( Soon, he'll be in volleyball on Tuesdays and Thursdays and I'll be in for awhile!

CUTE-ISMS

2009-02-25T09:34:00.000-08:00

So, yesterday Kani was accidentally sent home on the bus when he was supposed to stay for math. I ended up having to collect him at the middle school, since I was not at the bus stop when they brought him home (Kindergarten policy). Apparently, Kani thought he missed Arts and Crafts (for who knows what reason). He said, "Darn it! I missed Arts & Crafts. Darn it!" It's not the first time he's used this phrase, but it still makes me chuckle (inside only, of course).

When we came home Kani wanted to work on making hearts. He's been big into tracing his cardboard pattern (half-heart) and cutting it out. But he hasn't quite mastered the concept of folding the paper and lining up the pattern on the edge just yet. So yesterday he messed up twice, and said, "Oh no! I'm not a good artist!" It was too cute. Wish I could have recorded that one. He even produced real tears!

Another cute thing we've discovered is how Kani uses "dot com" as a verb. He uses it to refer to something he wants to see on the computer. Example, "Can you dot com that video of the singing church?" (the church where he's starting to participate in mime). Cute!

Finally, this was a couple days ago. I RSVP'd to a birthday party that Kani was invited to on Saturday. I asked the Mom what the young girl liked, so we'd have an idea of what to take her. Kani was patiently listening at my side. When I hung up he asked, "What kinds of things does he like?" I explained that his friend was actually a "she" and that she likes girlie things and has her ears pierced, etc. He started to cry. "It's a GIRL party?" I guess I assumed since he knew the girl's name, he would know it was a girl. Guess not. I comforted him and assured him that I think he'll still have a good time at the party and that other boys will be there.

Such drama!

ANOTHER CORNY POEM

2009-02-12T19:57:00.000-08:00

* Although Kani has slept in his bed before, I saved this for tonight-the first night he'll be in his bed "home, at last, to stay." Enjoy. (Author unknown)

Tonight as you lie sleeping
For the first time in your bed
There must be something lasting
And profound that should be said.
But as your face is gazed upon
Framed by your soft hair
No words can tell or quite express
The feelings that we share.
The wait is finally over.
You're home, at last, to stay.
And there will always be the memories
Of the joy that filled this day.
With a love that's running over
By the sight of you alone.
Welcome home, dear cherished one,
At long last...welcome home!

THE FINAL COUNTDOWN

2009-02-11T14:04:00.000-08:00

So, one more day until Kani's "Going Home Party." Two more days before we actually get home as a family of four. And I still have a (little) fever. Ick. This is the third week in a row that I have been sick in some way. And it's no fun. I don't think it helped to drive the eight hours by myself on Sunday, or to be around the sick kids when I took Kani home. But you do what you have to do.

Last night was to be our last hoorah date. But I'm not too disappointed. Eric brought home dinner from the restaurant we were going to go to, and although we had planned to watch a movie at home, we just ended up going to bed early (I on the couch, Eric on his chair - until he went up to bed; I opted to keep the couch. It's my new best friend). And I don't feel the need to "get away" from Cameron just now. He watched cartoons so nice and quietly yesterday after I picked him up from school. And I was able to just chill on the couch. It could be worse. One of the good things about Cameron is that he doesn't watch TV very often. So on days like this when I really need a break from his incessant chatterboxing/stimming/etc., I don't feel as guilty about turning on the tube.

I feel like this weekend is anti-climatic. Perhaps that's because I feel I have a lot to do between now and then (around the house, at school, etc) and because we've been making this trip for the past six or seven weeks. Perhaps it's because I have a fever and am not really able to concentrate on the fact that we'll soon have two boys at our home forever. Perhaps it's also due, in part, to the fact that I know the reality of the situation is not all fun and games. The coming weeks and months are going to be difficult as we all learn how to live together. We've been through this before, and aren't naive enough to think that life is going to be wonderful with two six-year olds. I mean - it will be wonderful, but not all the time. And that's also tempered by the to and fro we'll be experiencing. We've got a lot to do. Register for school. Arrange appointments. Arrange caregivers. Keep busy enough with special activities (I've signed us each up for a sports-related activity) that we all have our own thing and we can have some time apart.

Anyway, we're in the home stretch now. All we have to do is pack the car for tomorrow (includes wrapping gifts for housemates -- the staff will have to wait for us to send a gift later, as I have been in no way able to do that this week), clean the house (doesn't THAT sound simple?), and make it through the rest of the stuff I need to finish for school. But I have been productive today - I got Kani registered for school, and he'll be ready to start on Tuesday. His bus time works fabulously with the rest of the schedule, so we should be good to go there, too. Now, if I could just get better....I need as much energy as I can muster for this weekend of all weekends. Not to mention the coming days ahead AFTER the weekend. No "week off" anymore. It's game time!

Corny Poem - The Gift of Life (Author Unknown)

2009-02-05T19:36:00.000-08:00

The Gift of Life:
I didn't give you the gift of life,
But in my heart I know
The love I feel is deep and real,
As if it had been so.
For us to have each other
Is like a dream come true!
No, I didn't give you the gift of life
Life gave me the gift of you!

CONFIRMATION - COMING HOME

2009-02-04T09:23:00.000-08:00

We got the official word today that Kani will be moving home on Friday February 13th. No worries about the dates, folks - the 13th is a lucky day for our family. My mother was born on the 13th and Eric and I were married on the 13th.

We'll actually have a going away party at his home on Friday night. We'll probably stay overnight in town there before heading home, so we don't have to make the long trip right afterwards. I'm hoping my parents will be able to make it down on the 14th. Eric talked to his parents (I think?) but I don't know if they are able to come down that weekend or not. We'll not be ready to do much of any traveling right away, but certainly will welcome guests who would like to come and meet the newest member of our family.

2009-02-02T16:08:00.000-08:00

So, I was looking forward to having a whole weekend at home without a long car ride. And that didn't quite work out how I thought it would. Friday night, when we called Kani, he told me he didn't want to ride all alone in the car with Eric, and that he "needed" me to come, too. What's a Mom to do? I made the concession that if I came, Ginger (the dog) would come, too (Kani had expressed some hesitation about the dog). Needless to say, Saturday morning at 6 a.m. we all packed into the car to pick up Kani. The ride back wasn't too bad. We marked our trip on the map. We listened to HSM CDs. I sat in the back with the boys, and even got some cuddle time in.

The afternoon was spent exploring the house and the toys. The boys tried out their sibling rivalry. We tried not to intervene too much as they will need to work it out. Sometimes we had to step in, but it wasn't too bad. They'll figure it out.

Went to church on Sunday, and that went really well. Kani was really well behaved and I was able to work myself out of the room. I think next week he may be able to be in there by himself during the service. The boys have an extra helper in the classroom now, so that should work pretty well as they all get to know each other better.

We got a call this morning that Kani had a really rough trip home. He cried the whole time (three plus hours) and asked why he couldn't stay with his family. Break my heart! So we're looking into how we can decrease the amount of anxiety he has to experience for the remainder of his transition to our home. More details to come on that later.

The Zoo

2009-01-23T14:23:00.001-08:00

We went to the zoo on Monday. We saw lots of big cats up close. We also got our first family picture taken. It's definitely not the best picture any of us have taken, but...it's still ours.

Going to go add a picture to Sunday's post. If you haven't seen it already, scroll down and enjoy :)

TUESDAY'S PLAN

2009-01-22T07:15:00.000-08:00

Tuesday, I went to Kani's school and met with his teachers. That was a very interesting experience. It definitely took me back to my days of student teaching in Pittsburgh city. I also met the lady who had come forward to adopt after we had been matched. That was...awkward. What do you say? Nee-ner-nee-ner-nee-ner? I'm sorry? It was just strange.

After the school, I went to meet with seven of Kani's caseworkers to discuss the remainder of the transition and how that would be scheduled. Since we now are CPR certified, we are able to go on an unsupervised visit. We'll do that this Saturday. After that (typically), the Dept likes to schedule two day-time visits at the adoptive parents' home, then two overnight visits, then two weekend visits (two overnights back to back). Given the distance between where we live and where Kani lives, we were able to agree to drop the two day-time visits. So as it stands - we'll have our first overnight visit next weekend. Since we anticipate the evening hours to be the most stressful (the only time Kani has been away from his home overnight has been when he has been in the hospital). So rather than have him come up Friday after school (and arrive at a totally strange home after dark), I requested that they bring him Saturday morning, so he can arrive around lunchtime. Then he'll have the whole day to adjust to the house before we have to try the bedtime routine. He'll then go home Sunday. If this first overnight visit goes really well (or he has a really bad reaction when he goes home), we may forgo the second overnight and head straight to the weekend visits. Again, with the long trips in the car, this can be a very tiring process for a little guy. Indeed, we've been traveling back and forth every weekend this month and it is not fun even for adults (yet, totally worth it).

So, the soonest he could move in would be Saturday, February 14th. I don't necessarily anticipate this move-in date. However, it looks like the latest he would move in would be Saturday, February 28th. So we're on the home stretch anyway. We've got about a month before move-in. We have plenty of things to do in anticipation of the transfer to arrange for services, transfer medical files, etc. But we're getting to the end - which is really just the beginning of our life together as a family. Our state law says that he will need to be with us for six months before we can finalize the adoption. So, we may be able to schedule that towards the end of the summer.

We're just glad that this should be our last overnight visit "down there." Of course, we do still plan to visit after placement, so that Kani can see his friends/housemates/nurses/etc. But it will be different then, I think. I will enjoy continuing to see the other kids there. They are really too precious for words. It's hard to be unhappy around them!

TWO BROTHERS MEET

2009-01-18T08:40:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, Cameron and Kani were able to meet at last. It really went quite well. Kani seemed quick to understand Cameron, and was not afraid to lead him around. It was funny to see, as Cameron is used to being "head honcho." But Cameron was pretty willing to go along with whatever was suggested.

We gave Kani the little photo album that I had made for him. It has pictures of each of us, and also some of the house. We got a chance to talk about some of the questions he had (about what he's allowed to bring with him, what his room is going to be like, etc.)

We went to Burger King and the Dollar Tree. The boys were both a little hesitant about the indoor play yard at Burger King. But they came around. Kani, at one point, told us he wasn't having fun that day. I told him it was too bad-that sometimes we had to go out to lunch, play on a playground, and just buck it up.

When we went to the Dollar Tree, Kani wanted to check out other things on different aisles. He said, "Come down here - I just want to see what's down here." A woman was walking by us at the moment, and apparently got a kick out of the way Kani was pleading his case. She smiled toward me with a knowing mom-to-mom look and said, "Yeah Mom, he just wants to see what's down there." Wow! She didn't even skip a beat in assuming I was his Mom. It just truly floored me, and warmed my heart.

We spent some more time at Kani's place in the afternoon. I started to read a book aloud, and both boys eventually joined me. Kani snuggled up to me, which of course made me very happy. Later, he came and sat on my lap (while sucking his thumb) and we had a chance to talk about some of the other things that he had expressed some anxiety about. I told him that we'd try to get some pictures of his friends to put up by his new bed, so that he could see them when he was missing them. He rubbed my arms, and it was definitely a moment. It was especially hard to leave Kani behind today, as we headed to Eric's sister's house. We'll be back for another visit tomorrow (I think we're going to the zoo with the nurse, who has a pass). I'll get to see Kani on Tuesday at school. I also have a meeting with the social workers on Tuesday to talk through the details of the transition home. Then it's a 3.5 hour drive home to pick up the dog and head straight to our infant/child CPR class (a requirement before Kani can stay overnight at our house). I'm hoping that we might just have one more visit here and then Kani can start his visits at our place.

This adoption is healing my heart in so many ways. These multiple opportunities to meet Kani and get to know him and try out our parental ways on him while there are others with us to let us know if he's working the charm or otherwise really helps us feel "ready" to accept this challenge. It's certainly going to take us awhile to get back into a routine, but we're much further ahead with Kani than we were with Cameron. So we're ready to go. This process has been particularly helpful for Eric, who likes to have a little more time to prepare himself for what we're getting into. This is the first time that I've seen Eric become so attached to a kid so soon. I think it helps that we don't have to "reserve" ourselves from feeling too much, as we don't have to worry about the foster-care thing when he might not be able to stay. We can just love on him right away, and know that he's already a part of our family. Because he's never really had a family, he's allowed to love us back without fear of hurting biological parents or foster parents, or otherwise. We'll still be able to maintain the relationships he's created with his care providers -- most of whom have known him for most of his life! All together, I'm amazed at this not-so-traditional adoption. We know how fortunate we are to be experiencing things in this way! Bring it on!

Second Visit

2009-01-12T18:41:00.001-08:00

Eric and I enjoyed our second visit this weekend. We had a chance to spend some more time with the residents where K lives, and that was nice. There are some really neat kids there. One in particular has taken to Eric, chanting his name and just telling some jokes and things like that.

We had a chance to go to McDonalds. Even though they did have a Play Place, it was outside. So that didn't work out so well. But there were a couple of games inside. We spent a little time doing that, and then we went bowling. I was impressed that K took some direction when he wasn't listening or was too excited to focus clearly. We had a lot of fun, and I definitely came off the visit feeling very good about things. The assistant director of nursing came with us to supervise the visit. It was neat to meet someone who has known him since he was VERY little and who is obviously very protective of him. I think it helped her to get to spend some time with us and see where we're coming from and what we're bringing to the relationship. We also were able to assure her that we plan to continue contact between K and the home by bringing him back to visit, etc.

So now we're to the point where they are going to explain to K that we are planning to adopt him. We decided that we needed to tell him before we bring our son down to meet him on Saturday. The nurse is apparently going to do this on Wednesday, and that she will call me to tell me how it goes. I can only imagine how huge that will be for him to hear. I hope that he is open to the idea, and that he is able to process a little bit before we meet again on Saturday. They asked today if our decision to adopt him would be based on how Saturday goes.

Here's what always gets me. I know where these types of questions come from. There are a lot of people that think, "It would be so nice to adopt" but they don't realize the realities that go with it. So often people back out of these decisions after the kids have already been told what is going on. This just leaves the kids scarred and not as open to accepting or fully understanding the next time the possibility comes around. K has had a couple near adoptions so far, so I can understand if this "announcement" makes him a little more anxious around us. To this point, he just knows us as two folks who come to visit and spend some time with him.

So, would we change our minds if the boys don't get along? Absolutely not! It's like asking a parent if they're going to give their newborn back if their older child doesn't get along with him/her when they come home from the hospital. We EXPECT this to be rough - for both boys. One is going to learn what it is like to have a brother living and sharing a set of parents that he's had almost exclusively to himself for the past 2.5 years. The other is going to work on figuring out just what it means to leave the only home he has ever known to live with almost complete strangers and go from having five other kids in the house to just one. And we are going to need to try to rise above it all to keep things going as smoothly as possible, identifying problems along the way and working to find whatever is needed to help everyone navigate this maze.

Today we learned that we will need to have CPR and First Aid Training. This is a requirement for all parents removing a child from this home, and something we'll have to complete before we can have an overnight visit at our home. Fortunately, we were able to find two classes within the next seven days! We'll be able to fulfill our First Aid qualifications by Saturday, which means that we will be able to go on our first unsupervised visit with both boys in the community. This is a huge step in gaining our identity as a family. It's a little scary, of course. But we feel ready. We've done this before. Typically, we don't get any chances to meet the children that come to live in our home until the day that they move in. So we feel really fortunate to be getting these chances to get to know our new son before he comes home. This is such a difficult transition for the kids, and I really feel like it's helpful for him, too.

Anyway, four more days. We're all really busy with details at work, home, and with the upcoming adoption and transition--but we know that we'll be able to get through this, and that it's all worth it. I just keep bringing myself back to what we could have done in an international adoption, and this seems like a very small price to pay. I'm trying to use my time wisely to get my stuff together at home. There is a lot of organizing that continues to need to be done (it seems like even if I make progress, it doesn't take long before I need to do another big stretch of it. Such is life. Better get to it!

A Near Miss

2009-01-02T16:42:00.000-08:00

So, we headed down to our first visit today. It was scheduled for noon at a McDonalds close to "the home". We arrived at 11:30, and at 12:15 we started to wonder. We had been out of town for the past couple of days, but the caseworker had said she would update us of any changes via email. I had not received any emails...but we called home to check our messages. There were nine. Almost all from her. The first one, placed Tuesday about an hour after we had left, was canceling our visit :( It turns out that the kids got sick, and weren't going to be able to leave to come to McDonalds. The next one - Tuesday night - said that there was a possibility of rescheduling at the home. There were a couple more going back and forth and the last was received today at 10:15 saying that since they had not heard back from us they were going to cancel the visit all together. NOOOO!!! Cameron was staying with Grandpa for the day, and we had made quite a few arrangements to get down here for this visit, so I was scrambling to see if there was any way we could make this work.

I called the caseworker's personal cell phone. Left a message. Called the work number. Left a message. Called the personal cell phone AGAIN - and reached her. I explained that we had JUST received her messages, as we've been out of town. I told her that we HAD traveled into town that day for the visit, and she was surprised. She worked her magic, and at 1:30, we were able to go into the home for our visit.

We spent two hours there today! We got a chance to learn a lot about K, and got to meet him. We introduced ourselves as people that had come to visit and play. We were able to play some ball, do a puzzle, play with play doh, etc. He got some presents today from the news that had done his video segment, and we got to see him open those up. He was so cute - "Just what I wanted." or "I saw this on TV!" He was polite about the whole thing, and we helped him open his toys. He took them into his room (which he shares with two others) and he was able to put his stuff near his space. It was really quite precious. He didn't have a whole lot of toys in there already, as most of the toys were in the playroom. So I guess that most toys are community property, and that these were special. I had a chance to anticipate when he opens the presents with Cameron that we bought for Christmas. That was fun.

Things went really well. We learned a little about his medical needs, his past history, etc. We were impressed by his ability to hold a conversation, the way he worked his puzzle, and his attention. My heart melted for him. At one point, he accidentally hit one of the workers with a ball. He apologized over and over. It was so good to see he has some basic manners!

He asked if next time we came if we could bring another certain type of puzzle. We'll see what we have at home. At the end of the visit, he was very quick to give hugs and when I asked him if it would be okay if we came back to play with him again sometime, he said "yes."

I think it's good to do things this way. For us to meet him a couple of times and then let him know that it is our intention to adopt him. That seems much more natural than to introduce ourselves as his new parents, and then have him work through that big chunk of information.

So Monday we'll set up our next visit. We have been talking about coming down every weekend for several weekends. We will likely go at least one more time without Cameron - and we'll likely go into the community, at that point. Then we might come down once during the week, so we can meet his teachers and get some information on him from an educational perspective, so we're more prepared to arrange for his educational needs. After he meets Cameron, he'll soon be on his way to a visit at our house. And then we'll do an over-night and then come to live with us. In our state, he'll need to live with us for six months before an adoption can be processed and finalized.

On the way back to Eric's parents' house, I just kept shaking my head. How unreal is it to walk through the doors of a home and meet a 6-year old child (who, by the way, claims to be 7 until he hears the worker say all the other people must be lying to her because she heard that he was 6) and think that that child will eventually become a part of their family? Many of you may not understand why I would feel extremely lucky to have this little guy join our family. And I can't help but think - actually, I have no doubts - that God knew what he was doing all along. The timing on this has been perfect. With all of the time delays, etc. this has given a chance for some of these details to be worked out in a way that this little one's heart and life circumstances are ready for this transition. He clearly is ready to move on from this home that has cared so well for him for the past six years.

I am so grateful for this particular organization that provides the type of facilities and care that have given this little guy everything he has needed, and is now working to prepare him for a more "normal" family-life. I am totally undeserving of such a "ready" child. Don't get me wrong - I know we have our work cut out for us. But I am so ready to embrace this work that God has set before us. Game on!

Green Light!

2008-12-30T06:49:00.000-08:00

Can I just say that I really appreciate the diligence of the caseworkers that God has coordinating our family's future? We really seem to be matched with great people that understand not only the system, but also the children and the families that they work with. The caseworker called us Monday and told us that our profile was being reviewed by the child advocate. If she gave the go-ahead, we'd be able to schedule a visit. I was hoping she was a quick reader, and...she is!

Within an hour, we had heard back that we go the green light to schedule a visit. Given that this is a holiday week (AGAIN), the choices were limited. It came down to Tuesday (today) or Friday. My husband has an end-of-the-year meeting today from 7 - 12, so that would put us there in the late afternoon, and one of the workers was not available then. So we're shooting for a Friday lunch meeting. This will just be a meeting between my husband, myself, the workers, and our son-in-waiting.

While I would have LOVED this to be the day we could meet face-to-face, I'm kind of glad that it has worked out to be Friday. This year has been bumpy, to say the least. Friday is 2009, so it's a great way to start a fresh new year. This also gives us a little more time to think about the kinds of things we'll do to "break the ice" a little. I will certainly bring the scrapbook that I have made for him (it has pictures of us and our home, etc.) And I'll definitely bring a few things for him to do in the very good chance that he will feel uncomfortable, or when the adults are talking (stuff like crayons and paper, coloring book, puzzle, etc.) This will be the first time Eric is meeting a kid at the outset. Usually, I meet them first and then "introduce" them to Eric. So he's a little nervous. But I have every confidence that he'll do a great job.

Anyway, we're praising God for this breakthrough, and praying that these visits will go as smoothly as possible. We'll pray that God will provide us with the right words and ideas to make the situation as comfortable as could be expected (it's always a little awkward), and we'll just continue to go from there. Stay tuned for updates over the weekend!

Standstill

2008-12-26T17:47:00.000-08:00

Well, the caseworker came out on Tuesday. The home inspection itself went well. Our water is running. Our electricity works. Our phones are functional. We don't have exposed electrical wiring. Etc. However, we've run into a little snag.

It seems that someone who knows the new little guy has decided that THEY would like to adopt him. I guess they know that he already has an adoption in process. If so, they don't seem to be concerned about that. Until the caseworkers are sure we can proceed legally, we are not allowed to visit/meet him.

SO...we could have met him for Christmas and got this party started. But now we have to wait. Needless to say, my heart is aching. I would understand if this person came forward in September - prior to our knowing about being selected and matched with this guy. But now? Two months into it? I don't think so. Although we may not have met him yet, he has been growing in our hearts for the past several months as we have learned more about him through things we have read and things we have seen. We have prepared for his arrival. He has a toothbrush here, Christmas presents are waitng, and his name is on the wall in his bedroom, along with Cameron's. Cameron has been asking more and more about his brother by name, and is anxious to meet him. I told him that he would get to after Christmas. Now I'm not sure how long we'll have to wait.

I still have one week off of school, and I'm optimistic that we may be able to take advantage of that time to go down and meet him. I will continue to pray and wait and love him. I will fight for him, if we need to. I just know that he needs to be out of his current placement as soon as possible, and we are the best chance he has at that happening - as all of our paperwork is done and we're all cleared to go. SIGH.

Now that it's the weekend, I know that we have a couple more days of no more progress. But I also know that the workers are doing their best to be diligent in finding the correct way to handle this situation. I know that they are rooting for us, and I am so appreciative that they've continued to work on this, despite the holidays. Our caseworker will be back to work on Monday, and maybe we'll hear more by then. Hopefully, we'll have more good news to report soon.

I guess this is just our part of labor being painful. I can definitely withstand it, if it means that we'll bring our son home when all is said and done. I was very sad that he could have had a family for Christmas, and now had to go one more Christmas without. But he doesn't know what's going on and that there has been a family identified. So I think that's better. He doesn't have to wonder why we're not there and whether or not we care. I'm crazy about him already, so that's not a question. And I would be there if I could - as much as I could. Soon. Hopefully, it will be soon.

Patchwork Families

2008-12-22T20:11:00.001-08:00

A friend sent me this link. All I have to say is ... Amen!

PROGRESS!

2008-12-19T05:26:00.000-08:00

The caseworker is back from leave! She got back on Wednesday. I talked to her several times yesterday. She's supposed to come up to do a home study this afternoon, though I'm not sure she still will, because of the ice and the snow. After that, we should be able to go to meet our new son very soon. We're then going to have weekly visits there until he's comfortable enough to come to visits here. So it shouldn't be too terribly long until he's home for real. YIPPEE!

Both Cameron and I have a snow day today. I was kind of counting on it. I have a little more cleaning to do, in case the caseworker does come. I want to finish re-painting the name blocks (I had painted Cameron's blue and the others tan, but want them all to be blue now). We hung them last night in their bedroom. I also moved my dresser in there, so they will each have one. I will get some drawers for the walk-in closet, and will do without an official dresser. No big deal there.

I made a coffee cake and am trying to put off giving Cameron his medicine until later in the morning. He's watching cartoons right now - a rare treat. After breakfast, I'll take my shower and then we will likely do some "work" together. Cameron does pretty well when I work with him one-on-one with workbooks and stuff. I can go into "teacher mode" and my patience with him also increases. I'll give myself some video game breaks (as in - let Cameron play video games) throughout the day. I think we'll be fine.

Anyway, just wanted to let you all know that things are moving forward. Our new addition is officially off the adoption photolisting, as he is now "spoken for." Reviewing his paperwork has certainly sobered us to the task that lies ahead. It will likely take a great deal of adjustment, testing, etc. before he feels like part of our family and we can get into a better routine. But it does look like he will benefit from a family that advocates on his behalf and refuses to take "no" for an answer--whether from him or from others ;)

Merry Early Christmas!

TWO MONTHS IN

2008-12-16T08:08:00.000-08:00

...and still no visit. Unfortunately for us, the caseworker for our new little one is on a leave of absence. So things have been crawling since we've completed all of our paperwork. She was supposed to be back yesterday, but I don't think that happened. So my caseworker (who is awesome) said she'd do a little more legwork to see if she can at least get us a visit before the holidays. Given that I am a teacher, my time right now is not extremely crucial. Trying to get anything of vast significance done in the week before the break is a big order. We're doing okay, but if I had to bail to go for a visit, I wouldn't feel terribly about it. Then, of course, I have two weeks off of prime time that I could be using to help with whatever needs to be done. So I'm hoping that we can convince SOMEONE that a visit would make a lot of sense.

I feel like crying, but I'll save that for later. I think I've been doing pretty well for the past two months, but now we're just sitting and waiting, and I'm back to feeling helpless again. All I can do is advocate for "my son" and try to get him a family for Christmas. If God can send His son all the way to earth for Christmas, He is certainly capable of sending mine home. But whether or not that is His will is a different story all together. So I wait, and I trust, and I hope. Tuesdays are difficult in some ways, because I get off work earlier and have the whole afternoon by myself. I have plans to go to the Y, do laundry, Christmas cards, wrap gifts, etc. But I will likely also take a nap and try to waste away some of that almost-eternal-seeming emptiness.

Hopefully I'll have a more uplifting post soon.

Video?

2008-11-13T06:27:00.001-08:00

MY CURRENT THEME SONG

2008-11-08T19:36:00.001-08:00

WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING - SANCTUS REAL
It's time for healing, time to move on.
It's time to fix what's been broken too long.
Time to make right, what has been wrong.
It's time to find my way to where I belong.
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender.
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos, but somehow there's peace.
And it's hard to surrender to what I can't see
But I'm giving in to something heavenly.

Time for a milestone, time to begin again.
Re-evaluate who I really am.
Am I doing everything to follow Your will?
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills?
So show what it is You want from me
I give everything - I surrender

To whatever You're doing inside of me.
It feels like chaos, but somehow there's peace
Though it's hard to surrender to what I can't see
I'm giving in to something heavenly.

Time to face up, clean this old house.
Time to breathe in, and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears.

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos, but I believe -
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life, something heavenly.

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos, and now I can see -
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life, something heavenly.

...make that Pennsylvania!

2008-11-07T10:00:00.000-08:00

So, the past few weeks have been interesting. We've mostly just been preparing our home for our home study update. We decided that we'd at least try to adopt domestically through the foster care system (bypassing the foster care stage, and adopting ready children) for now. And - yesterday - we found out that we are going to have another son!

This is all very new, so we don't know many of the details on the process just yet. However, we do know that this little guy is six years old (just six months younger than Cameron - call us crazy - everyone else does). We've seen a picture, and know a little bit about his needs. He has some similarities to Eric and Cameron in different ways, but we feel that God has prepared us for this challenge and this addition to our family. We have a bit of a curvy road ahead again as we transition him into our home and into our routine, but we are grateful to have a name and a face on the next member of our family. We are looking forward to finding out when we will get to meet him. Right now, we're working on updating all of our paperwork, clearances, etc.

I joked to Eric the other day that we should adopt one child through foster care (Cameron), one child straight from care (that would be this one), one internationally (Russia), and then one domestic infant adoption to round things out. I was kidding, but such kiddings in the past have turned out to be prophetic. So who knows? Right now, we'll just focus on this one!

Russia, It Is!

2008-10-16T12:15:00.001-07:00

I got the "go ahead" today from our adoption agency's Russian representative. Woo hoo!

I have just about everything I need for our application - except a picture of our home and a picture of the three of us. Well, let's change that. I just went outside and took a picture of the new house:

Well, that was interesting. Just as I was uploading the picture, I received a call from a caseworker in Philadelphia. Stay tuned for more details.

Let's Try This A Different Way

2008-10-08T18:52:00.001-07:00

Foster parents for eight years. Married for five. Ten kids. One adoption. Lots of heartache. Good intentions. New direction.

I have a lot of questions for God and His logic. It's amazing to me when I look to see who in this world has been able to have children. No questions asked. No home study necessary. Nine month waiting time. Medical costs covered by insurance.

Then there are those of us who have to travel a different road. But there are many different roads to travel:
- Do we just accept that we'll never have kids?
- Do we try to adopt?
- Do we pursue infertility treatments?
- Do we foster parent?
- What are our choices?

I started down the road of foster parenting eight years ago, when my first foster son walked through my door, cat-calling, whistling, and asking how much allowance he would get. He was seven years old. Eight years and two days later, here I sit with one son sleeping upstairs. And I feel like I am no further ahead in many ways than I was at the beginning of this all.

We recently decided that we'd like to take a more active role in the expansion of our family. We've had some rough times in our five years of marriage. We've spent three years trying to help out a teenage girl who has now decided that she does not need us (three months before her 18th birthday), but still wants to know what we're willing to do for her. It's time for a change.

Foster parenting ground to a halt for us after our son moved in two and a half years ago. There's been one thing or another that has stood in the way of us expanding our family through foster parenting again. So we've looked into our options. We considered an infant this summer who had been born prematurely. He passed away before we had a chance to meet him or pursue it further. My heart longs to have more control in creating our family. It's discouraging that we have to jump through so many hoops to get anywhere.

So now we are pursuing international adoption. The first few steps have not given us much more hope than we've had in the past. We're too fat for one country. The fact that our infertility has contributed some depression excludes us from another. We haven't been married long enough for that one. And on and on. So the search continues. Right now, we're waiting to hear back as to whether or not we'd be eligible for another country's programs. Finally, the agency that did our son's home study wants to "talk to us some more" before they "allow" us to purchase his home study back from the state (who initially paid for it, since it was an adoption through foster care). Are you frickin' kidding me?

Wouldn't it be nice if ALL prospective parents had to endure such scrutiny? Or would it? How many less children would be conceived if there was a pre-conception requirement? I can tell you one thing - I wouldn't likely have our current son. And his biological mother wouldn't have had the two that have come after HIS placement with us.

I have my limits about the things I'll do to add to our family (though some may argue that this isn't the case, and certainly my limits have expanded over time). I just can't believe that it's SO difficult to even qualify to be considered to adopt children that are in need of a family that will be committed to them.

So, as my title says, I have just a little faith left. But that's all that God requires. So -- watch as we move this mountain that looms in front of us. This is going to take a lot of time, money, and energy. But we'll do what we need to do, in the interest of creating as normal of a life for our family as we possibly can. Time to get creative! I've already sold three pies to start to defray the costs related to the fees that we will incur. It will take many more before we can find and bring a child into our home as part of our family. But at least it gets me doing SOMETHING!

Stay tuned for our progress reports....